For what it's worth, I'd keep it. I liked it
-----Original Message-----
From: Maryann Hazen Stearns [mailto:[log in to unmask]]
Sent: 03 March 2004 13:16
To: [log in to unmask]
Subject: Mike ~ Re: New Sub: She Might Have Been The One
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Hi there Mike,
Oh for Pete's Sake.... that question mark is supposed to be elipses, a
mistranslation of the machine. lol That phrase, "a bowl of moon," seems to
be stirring up a few comments and suggestions, I appreciate your bringing
that up. I can't decide whether to keep it or not, or reword it. Your input
is much appreciated.
Cheerwell, Mary :O)
--- Mike Horwood <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> > Hello Mary,
> I really like this, it´s got a wonderful atmosphere and
> an intriguing mix of the inimical and attractive which leaves the
> reader wondering whether `she´ has missed out on something wonderful
> or had a lucky escape from disaster. It´s open to either
> interpretation. I don´t understand why there´s a question mark at the
> end of `Tall black water lilies´ but I suspect it´s a peculiarity of
> the technology. Also I´m still trying to decide if `a bowl of moon´ is
> the ideal phrasing, somehow there´s a slight hiccup for me in the
> phrase but `moon-bowl´ is not right, `bowl-shaped moon´ is a bit
> clumsy and over-worked. Would `sickle moon´ work, or `concave moon´?
> These are just ideas and the poem as a whole is a real joy.
>
>
>
>
> Best wishes, Mike
=====
Good Cheer & Be Well,
Maryann Hazen Stearns
"Under The Limbo Stick" http://www.geocities.com/Faerhart/
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