Hi there James,
Actually, the first two lines are both realistic, the couple vacation at
the beach/seashore, in an attempt to recapture the "magic" (bare bones, if
you will) of their relationship without the tussle of everyday
responsibilities. Thanks very much for your thoughts on this.
Cheerwell, Mary :O)
--- James Bell <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> Hi Maryann,
>
> I didn't read the original draft. I like much of this one. I'd say the
> first
> and last stanzas are essentially the poem if I'm being hyper critical.
> On
> the other hand the middle sections are expositions of thought by the
> metaphorical shore, is my interpretation, and should remain. I wondered
> a
> little at the truth of the first two lines. I certainly go to a physical
> shore and find resonance in the reflective time I spend there. It is
> unclear
> whether you are talking of a physical shore or, as I say, a metaphorical
> one, although I've opted for the latter.
>
>
>
> bw
> James
>
>
>
>
>
> >From: Maryann Hazen Stearns <[log in to unmask]>
> >Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
> >To: [log in to unmask]
> >Subject: Revision: The Bone Hunters' Vacation
> >Date: Fri, 27 Feb 2004 07:27:08 -0800
> >
> >Hi friends, Thanks to all for your comments, crits and excellent
> >suggestions. Here's the revision:
> >
> >~*~
> >
> >The Bone Hunters' Vacation
> >
> >
> >We go to the shore
> >to find the bones of our lives.
> >To remember why
> >we're happy together,
> >to remind ourselves
> >the reason for all we do
> >between the rise and fall
> >of days, weeks, months.
> >
> >I put a pot of jelly
> >on the table in the sun.
> >Crushed black cherries glisten.
> >
> > Sea sounds surround the curtains,
> > tug it out the window,
> > tickle its white belly.
> >
> > Gulls beg midair
> > for scraps of toast.
> > We toss leftover crusts
> > into a scavenger-filled sky.
> > A hectic tussle ensues;
> > feathers, wings, beaks.
> >
> >The newspaper remains sheathed
> >outside the door. The maid knows
> >she'll get a better tip
> >if she passes this room today.
> >
> >Skeletons rattle beneath sheets;
> >shells upon the beach.
> >Muscles flex, relax,
> >flex, relax as flesh trembles to life
> >upon the back of the incoming tide.
> >
> >~*~
> >
> >Cheerwell, Mary :O)
> >
> >=====
> >Good Cheer & Be Well,
> > Maryann Hazen Stearns
> >
> >"Under The Limbo Stick" http://www.geocities.com/Faerhart/
> >
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=====
Good Cheer & Be Well,
Maryann Hazen Stearns
"Under The Limbo Stick" http://www.geocities.com/Faerhart/
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