Hi there Christina, thanks for adding your suggestions to the pot, I've
used many of them and may even post the revision when it's ready. CW, Mary
:O)
--- Christina Fletcher <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> The first stanza is really appealing, Mary, and though there's so much I
> like
> about this poem there are bits I'd wonder about cutting out. It's not
> so
> much that they're a problem for me: just that the poem would probably
> feel
> stronger if you gave me a little more space. I'll bracket the parts I'd
> be
> wondering about if it were mine.
> bw
> christina
>
> >
> > Bone Hunters
> >
> >
> > We go to the shore
> > to find the bones
> > of our lives.
> >
> > To remember why
> > we're happy together.
> >
> > (Remind ourselves
> > the reason for all we do
> > between the rise and fall
> > of days, weeks, months.)
> >
> > I put a pot of jelly
> > on the table in the sun.
> > Crushed black cherries glisten.
> >
> > Sea sounds surround the curtain,
> > tug it out the window,
> > tickle its white belly.
> >
> > Gulls beg midair
> > for scraps of toast.
> > We toss leftover crusts
> > into the scavenger filled sky. *** not too keen on scavenger filled.
> Just
> > scavenger sky?
> >
> > The hectic tussle
> > is almost frightening; *** is there a more powerful way of saying
> this?
> > feathers, wings, beaks.
> > (A couple sharing pretzels
> > on a sandy blanket
> > lures them away.
> >
> > The paper remains
> > cylindrically sheathed
> > outside the door.
> > Francesca knows
> > she'll make a better tip
> > if she passes this room today.) *** Is the introduction of other
> people
> > too distracting?
> >
> > Skeletons rattle beneath sheets;
> > shells upon the beach.
> > Muscles flex, relax,
> >
> > flex, relax as flesh
> > trembles to life
> > upon the back
> > of the incoming tide.
> >
> > ~*~
> >
> > Cheerwell, Mary :O)
>
>
=====
Good Cheer & Be Well,
Maryann Hazen Stearns
"Under The Limbo Stick" http://www.geocities.com/Faerhart/
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