Hi Christina,

The bad penny is back. Nice to see how you have developed as a poet. I'd 
question "holler" in the second stanza as outside your syntax for the poem 
and glares out. Maybe just "shout".



bw
James





>From: Christina Fletcher <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: New sub: Still Life with Music (first draft)
>Date: Fri, 20 Feb 2004 08:25:09 EST
>
>
>                 Still Life with Music
>                 (dedicated to my landlord, the Church Commissioners)
>
>                 ‘Count us,’ whisper leaping sheep
>                 on the duvet cover, ‘‘Count us,
>                 count us again...’  A frog snoozes on the sill;
>                 a plastic star mutates: red to violet
>                 to luminous blue glows on the Buddha ---
>                 as if you could wish away the shadow
>
>                 of builders legs through thin blinds, or planks
>                 and poles and mesh.  ‘Bugger meditation’
>                 roar the nine inch circular masonry drill bits
>                 as they bore pipe holes through brickwork
>                 and the blokes behind them holler fresh words
>                 to make the children giggle: a shit here,
>
>                 a fuck there, a Jesus mother… muffled
>                 in a swirl of red dust.  Against all odds,
>                 the shepherd in the Chagall still sleeps
>                 on the etched hillside, crook loose in his hand,
>                 hat fallen from his bald head and in the foreground
>                 the wolf has become the shepherd.
>
>
>
>                 christina fletcher

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