> Hello Colin,
              Thanks for the explication. It all seems quite clear now. Regarding your first phrase, what about `wrapped round for warmth´. I know exactly the action you mean, and as you say, we all do it....ah-hem, those who live in Finland probably do it more than most ;->  `Wrapping my coat round me´ is how I always describe it.
Regarding the second phrase, I now understand that `me and you´ is the other side of the range of muscle types that begins with a dogfish. I wonder, though, whether you need to clarify the standardised quality of muscle tissue. I´m about as unscientific as you can get, but I just assumed that whatever experiment was being done on the dogfish´s muscle would supply results that would apply in whatever situation was needed. Blimey, does that make sense? What I´m trying to say is that I don´t think you need to explain that bit. Hope this all helps.


Best wishes,   Mike


> Lähettäjä: Colin dewar <[log in to unmask]>
> Päiväys: 2004/02/23 ma PM 09:19:32 GMT+02:00
> Vastaanottaja: [log in to unmask]
> Aihe: Re: newsub/ new leaf/mike
> 
> Mike,
> 
> Thanks for this. I'd thought that "folded for warmth" was a worry and you
> have confirmed this nicely. I refer to bringing the leading edge on one side
> of the garment underneath the edge on the other side to create a panel of
> doubled material from neck to knees. The manoeuvre also reduces air flow on
> the inside by decreasing the dead space. It sounds complicated but you'll
> have done it yourself with jacket or coat a hundred times without thinking
> about it. Typically people keep the arms folded too, to pin the material in
> the folded position as well as further reducing heat loss through the arms.
> I just couldn't think of a way to say it briefly. I can't even say it
> properly in verbose prose. Any ideas on how I might express it clearly using
> the minimum of words? I'm not looking for a stanza dedicated to this one
> manoeuvre.
> 
> "All muscle" and what fellows refers to the idea that at the physiological
> level all muscle is pretty much the same between species. It was only
> evolved once. Again I was trying to be brief. IMO poems with a technical
> content should be brief in their technical parts (yet clear). That's one of
> the challenges. Not one that I 've met well, judging from these big
> explanations I'm now going through.  -Though I never meant it as just a
> technical poem.
> 
> BW
> 
> Colin
> 
> 
> 
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: "Mike Horwood" <[log in to unmask]>
> To: <[log in to unmask]>
> Sent: Monday, February 23, 2004 11:56 AM
> Subject: Re: newsub/ new leaf
> 
> 
> > Hello Colin,
>               I think this poem creates a vivid impression of the lab scene
> from the past and draws an effective contrast with the use the narrator
> makes with the other side of the paper now. The language and description is
> clear and lean IMHO. There are a couple of queries I´d like to put; in S2
> line 2 I wonder if a change of word order would help - `..up to an armpit in
> icy water`. In S3 I wonder how folding the lab coat can increase its warming
> properties, unless the narrator is using it as a pillow while looking out of
> the window, which seems a bit unlikely. I found the last 3 lines of S3 a bit
> difficult to read. `machine in machine of muscle´ works effectively, but
> `all muscle´, in the folowing line then reads awkwardly to me and I had
> problems with the line at the start of that group of 3. Finally, I was a bit
> puzzled by the appearance of a `you´ right at the end of S3. This person
> seems completely disconnected from the rest of the poem. Unless I´ve missed
> something (again).
> I hope this is useful.
> 
> 
> best wishes,   Mike
> 
> 
> > Lähettäjä: Colin dewar <[log in to unmask]>
> > Päiväys: 2004/02/20 pe PM 09:55:28 GMT+02:00
> > Vastaanottaja: [log in to unmask]
> > Aihe: newsub/ new leaf
> >
> > Turning over a new leaf
> >
> >
> > This is the paper I used then,
> > all six metres scrolled in a drawer
> > with dozens more like old papyrus
> > stored in the hall. The used face
> > is a kymograph. Mongolian peaks in pen
> > across the fine, green-squared terrain.
> > It takes me back to the lab
> > at St Andrews, where muscle fibres
> > strained in solution, and moved mountains.
> >
> > The dogfish swam in a tank. Shirt off
> > and up to an icy armpit in water
> > I felt for sand paper skin, only
> > needed a touch for a firm grip,
> > the fast stick and a knife through the head,
> > all done in seconds by young hands.
> > A few fibres were ample, sliced
> > from the side. The rest I took by bike,
> > home for my tea. I envied my mate,
> > who was studying cod for his PhD.
> >
> > Some nights I spent with the ivory lab
> > coat folded for warmth, opened
> > the window and leant with my head among stars,
> > forgot about wind and the cycle through snow,
> > alight with models, each further level
> > of machine in machine of muscle moving,
> > all muscle, from dogfish to me and you.
> >
> > No part was wasted, not time
> > nor fish, nor this good paper unspooling
> > from the drawer's slot, blank side up,
> > pulled over desk top and down to the floor.
> > No better thing than this unwritten page,
> > still fit for life from another pen.
> > No A4 for me with immediate end,
> > but sufficient space to reflect on paper
> > what seemed the same and what was different,
> > then.
> >
> >
> > Colin
> >
>