> Hello again Calaya,
I think you´ve made this poem a lot stronger in this rewrite.
Best wishes, Mike
> Lähettäjä: calaya <[log in to unmask]>
> Päiväys: 2004/02/23 ma AM 12:17:26 GMT+02:00
> Vastaanottaja: [log in to unmask]
> Aihe: Break Down Through revision
>
> Hi All,
> I know, i said I was going to wait for this, but it
> wouldn't let me. So...here's a revision, which
> reflects, I hope, the element that felt important [to
> me]that seemed missing in the first draft. I seem to
> be learning to take more time with drafts before I
> post for C & C, and being me, learning slowly. So
> thanks for your patience and time.
> calaya
>
> Break Down Through
>
> Weighted by test results and proclamations,
> going under again, and again,
> ripped rotor cuff screamed at,
>
> paralyzed foot flopped,
> adrenal tumor alarmed,
> pituitary anomaly warned,
>
> drowning in what I?d maintained about pain,
> I noticed a ceiling fan.
> It?s current, perhaps fresh air inspired,
>
> caught my breath and stretched me,
> pulled me up into an electric lit mural-
> so familiar I?d forgotten painting;
>
> as overlooked as my prayer stick,
> suspended from the scene like a branch.
> A make believe bird, aroused, whispered.
>
> Perched on the make-believe birch,
> we lingered,
> feather-weighted.
> **
> cjw
>
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