Hi Calaya,

Thanks you.

I read the piece yesterday and it went over well. I toyed with using
'bedroom' rather than 'bed', but left it alone in the end and it went ok.

I hear what you and c are saying about the songiness of the piece, but I've
decided to leave that alone, as I dioscovered long ago that I'm not a song
writer (much as I might like to be). If, on the other hand, someone wanted
to turn it into a song and had some suggestions along the lines you've
iscussed, I'd probably have no probs with giving some licence to interpret.
I'd only putz it up if I pursued that off my own bat.

Cheers,


Frank
----- Original Message -----
From: "calaya" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Saturday, February 21, 2004 12:23 PM
Subject: Re: sub - that's all (last saturday)


> Hi Frank,
> i think this is powerful. I agree with c that it
> sounds close to song. I found Russ' question
> interesting: I'd not thought to consider that i find
> these poems extra accessible because I've worked in
> psych wards. Duh. Still, it seems possible to "fix"
> that possibility (that that question might come up to
> more readers & stop the reading of the poem)by adding
> the word "ward" to the line...the [ward]room is empty
> but for a bed...or using creative liscence & going
> with..the ward is empty but for her bed...whether or
> not that was a fact. Of course, I think that the
> opening line gives a very clear pic of "hospital," so
> I also susspect that most readers will not labor over
> this, so it may not matter.
> Frank,if i were u, i'd toy with adding the "that's
> all/ that's all" refrain to S2 & S4; just go for the
> song.
> thanks for the good read
> later
> calaya
> ***********
> that's all (last saturday)
>
> jesus doesn't live in bed north 8
> he might have visited on saturday
> that's all
> that's all
>
> the room is empty but for a bed
> but for a blanket
>
> but for a pillow
> and a lonely girl
> who believes something
> that she can't explain
> except to know it isn't jesus anymore
> no
>
> he was a visitor last saturday
> and that's all
>
> ~
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> __________________________________
> Do you Yahoo!?
> Yahoo! Mail SpamGuard - Read only the mail you want.
> http://antispam.yahoo.com/tools