Hi Frank,
i think this is powerful. I agree with c that it
sounds close to song. I found Russ' question
interesting: I'd not thought to consider that i find
these poems extra accessible because I've worked in
psych wards. Duh. Still, it seems possible to "fix"
that possibility (that that question might come up to
more readers & stop the reading of the poem)by adding
the word "ward" to the line...the [ward]room is empty
but for a bed...or using creative liscence & going
with..the ward is empty but for her bed...whether or
not that was a fact. Of course, I think that the
opening line gives a very clear pic of "hospital," so
I also susspect that most readers will not labor over
this, so it may not matter.
Frank,if i were u, i'd toy with adding the "that's
all/ that's all" refrain to S2 & S4; just go for the
song.
thanks for the good read
later
calaya
***********
that's all (last saturday)
jesus doesn't live in bed north 8
he might have visited on saturday
that's all
that's all
the room is empty but for a bed
but for a blanket
but for a pillow
and a lonely girl
who believes something
that she can't explain
except to know it isn't jesus anymore
no
he was a visitor last saturday
and that's all
~
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