> Hello Maryann,
                This strikes me as a very well put together poem. It is clear, simple and the language suits the subject and tone. Only two small points I would query. The first is in S2, the phrase `in the fold of the belly of the biscuit´ where I´m wondering about the repeated `of´ genitive. It may be that you´ve used it for its rhythmic effect, but if not, could you use the `s´ genitive with `biscuit´ or cut `belly´ completely? The second query concerns S4 which seems to end in mid-air on the word `before´. before what? Is a line missing here?
Hope these comments are useful.



Best wishes,   Mike


> Lähettäjä: Maryann Hazen Stearns <[log in to unmask]>
> Päiväys: 2004/02/18 ke PM 04:02:46 GMT+02:00
> Vastaanottaja: [log in to unmask]
> Aihe: If Your Desires...
> 
> If Your Desires Are Not Extravagant, They Will Be Granted
> 
> 
> He loves a fresh fortune cookie
> with the wrapper opened
> just enough to get a good whiff
> of sweet almost-lemon.
> 
> He loves the cellophane's crinkle,
> the crunch of crisp cookie,
> the mysterious strip of paper
> in the fold of the belly of the BISCUIT.
> And, he is happy.
> 
> I pull the damp fortune
> from between his teeth
> and read it to him.
> He listens intently,
> head cocked to one side;
> profound understanding
> glistens in his eye.
> And, he loves me.
> 
> He lays on his patch of sunny carpet,
> scratches his ear in deep contemplation
> for several hours before
> 
> he loves the sound
> of the can opener that beckons him
> to the very smelly DINNER he loves.
> And, he finds the true meaning
> of contentment.
> And, he loves me.
> 
> ~*~
> 
> Cheerwell, Mary :O)
> 
> 
> =====
> Good Cheer & Be Well,
>      Maryann Hazen Stearns
> 
> "Under The Limbo Stick" http://www.geocities.com/Faerhart/
> 
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