Mike, I like this, a good read. I would like to see line lengths here
in the open space along the single track,
when the hiss, or the hum, of an approaching train,
the whistle, then drone, as it passed and receded
was often our signal to change
to the roles of mourner and `dearly departed´.
Funerary jargon added a frison
to the notion of fatality, or mortality.
We played the living seeking the dead
under tables, behind sofas, among the funeral meats,
knowing the distance we covered.
Or as sleeper you hid, as insomniac I sought
through all the sleepless doubts before dawn
that finally led to the greatest refinement of all,
when I, as seeker, hid what I sought
and you, well hidden, subtly delved into that secret.
at about the length of the change or frison lines above, not longer than the
mortality line. Some of it is that you offer alternatives: hiss or hum,
whistle/drone, fatality or mortality.
Still good read, better with some tightening.
Smiles.
Gary
WATCH THIS SPACE FOR AN ANNOUNCEMENT FOR MINDFIRE RENEWED SOON. Poets for
Peace.... ˇPoemas sí, balas no!
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