James,
This works well as a short poem. Not keen on the following: "They are
central a decorative watercolour finish to the fan". Decorative is one of
those words in English like "interact" or "colourful" that doesn't really
help the reader to see what's goping on. Not sure about "the symmetry of
nature". Nature is sometimes symmetrical, but only sometimes. So the
generalisation weakens the poem IMO. How about, sth like, ....symmetry in
nature.....? Note typo in symmetry BTW.
Colin
----- Original Message -----
From: "James Bell" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Saturday, February 14, 2004 10:53 AM
Subject: New sub: Five Geese
> This is part of a curent sequence of poems and an ongoing depiction of the
> riversides I wander on a regular basis. C&C welcome.
>
> --
>
> FIVE GEESE
>
> Five geese swim
> one behind another
> in a line
> on a flat river surface
>
> cause a wash like a wide open fan
>
> They are central
> a decorative watercolour finish to the fan
>
> depict the symetry of nature
> in tranquility
>
>
>
> bw
> James
>
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