Hi Sue, I do not have many problems with this. Personal grief I find the
hardest to write myself. I find I can not do it real justice. If I do try,
much of what comes out is clichéd and sickly sweet and smacking of
indulgence. Your metaphor/ analogy of 'grief is a gristle' avoids these
traps and thence so does the poem.
It is also hard to criticize because one feels as though one is criticizing
the emotions rather than the poetry even when that is not true.
However there are two places in the poem where I am cued to expect a rhyme
scheme that is 'chew/do', early in the poem and the closing 'flows/knows'.
When I am cued in this way I feel disappointed when it does not materialize
and a little distracted. I always think that if this occurs with me I would
they were rather tucked away inside a line rather than at a line end unless
one wishes it to be this way.
I think this would benefit from further 'crafting' for certainly you have
avoided being overly emotional and that is a plus for me. I am also aware
that there is some catharsis in this for you and think some further time
spent with it will help you and the poem. Good luck.H and H.Arthur.
----- Original Message -----
From: "Sue Scalf" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Monday, January 05, 2004 6:30 PM
Subject: new: Etiquette


> Etiquette
>
>
> Grief is a gristle it does no good to chew.
> Everything flavorless, tough,
> till  there is nothing to do
> but spit out this lump of heart meat,
> this ache in the jaws and breast.
>  I am no good at this,
> and there's been far too much
> of what I can't control.
>
> Slow, deliberate, into the serviette.
> I've gained a bone of hope and let grief go.
> At the end of the feast
> there may to be something sweet
> and new. I lift my glass
> in gratitude for love once lived
> while all around the banquet flows
> and no one knows.
>
>
> Sue Scalf