Hi Colin,
Maybe the third line could become the first and make that sentence more
direct rather than convoluted as it currently is. Interesting piece. Maybe a
little more prune needed.
bw
James
>From: Colin dewar <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: newsub/flight
>Date: Wed, 11 Feb 2004 20:50:51 -0000
>
>Flight of the...
>
>
>
>It lay in the drawer
>with blue nylon softened by dust,
>the kite I'd made at sixteen,
>when most friends
>preferred strong beer and cars
>to any toy on string.
>Such kept for later
>I thought. Too soon
>the soaring days were over,
>fallen to a flat icon on the floor
>and a cloth tail
>folded...
>
>and so it waited
>until this summer
>when we took it by road
>with your bucket and spade,
>by ferry from Mallaig,
>on foot over the whale
>hump of Canna,
>past hazels prevailing
>in one direction
>like the fingers of stiff hands,
>a firm southerly easing us up
>and over each basalt block,
>bog cotton bent all the way,
>wiry grasses streaming
>to where rock, bog and grass
>all dropped from view
>where you looked with your weight
>on the back foot
>on small quiet breakers,
>kicked moss and rabbit bones
>to oblivion.
>
>It ripped up among astounded gulls,
>a thrown diamond,
>till it found its element and floated
>as weightless as thought,
>as the Cuillin of Skye in blue haze,
>as furthest Hebrides on a levelled sea.
>You took the cord with your strong, young hands
>and held it.
>Remember that moment,
>the long, upward tug of joy.
>
>
>Colin
>
>PS What is the word missing in the title? Any suggestions for a better
>title?
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