Thanks to all for comments on this piece.
I agree with general comments suggesting it's overly raw. Tired work that is
too frayed to do what it needs to do.
I'll work on it.
Thanks,
Frank
> Frank,
>
> This comes across to me as too raw for my tastes. 'course some like it
that
> way and it may have been as you intended, but I would have liked the
> narrator to do more with the experience rather (other than recounting it).
> As for the poetry I have no quibbles, apart from the typo's in the last
> stanza.
>
>
> Colin
>
>
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: "Frank Faust" <[log in to unmask]>
> To: <[log in to unmask]>
> Sent: Saturday, February 07, 2004 12:18 PM
> Subject: suvb - a dragon in the morning
>
>
> > a dragon in the morning
> >
> > you've got to know I didn't sleep so well
> > last night
> > might have drunk a little too much good wine
> > indulged a bit too hard
> > I don't know
> > but today has been some kind of a mess
> > I haven't quite managed engagement of my head
> > and standing here in front of me
> > some kind of apparition
> >
> > ~
> >
> > mostly they look pale
> > thin striped slashes
> > that must have really been something
> > when she carved them
> > there's so many to see
> > up and down the back of her arm
> > but they're only schnitzel-slices
> > nothing really
> >
> > I wish she'd left her sleeves down
> > I'm not a fan of tattoo art
> > but big and blue
> > is her dragon
> > breathing red in a slash right down the centre
> > so bright-red it has to be on fire
> > I can't take my eyes away
> >
> > for that one
> > she must have gouged deep
> > must have hurt
> >
> > I think I might be ill
> > but
> >
> > it's already nine o'clock and I have to see her
> > have to sya my piece
> > sort her out
> > get it done and then let it go
> > I'm hyoer-aware
> > that I can't keep staff off the ward
> > for too long
> >
> > ~
>
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