Hi there Terri, Yes, excellent suggestion and I've changed those lines.
Thanks so much! Cheerwell, Mary :O)
--- alderoak <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> Much improved, very good.
>
> I have a little grammatical problem with the last lines and would like
> to
> suggest the following tiny amendments (marked *)
>
> Through the open window the song
> of an oriole nests in the curves of my ears
> *where tears and the sound of the bird
> *change to an ocean trapped
> inside the nautilus of it's own shell.
>
> Terri )O(
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: The Pennine Poetry Works [mailto:[log in to unmask]] On
> Behalf
> Of Maryann Hazen Stearns
> Sent: 07 February 2004 13:17
> To: [log in to unmask]
> Subject: Mama Cat Searches
>
>
> Hi friends, thanks for all the c&c, I think it helped. Here's the
> revision,
> if anyone is interested:
>
> ~*~
>
> Mama Cat Searches
>
>
> I see the curved edge of the shovel
> as if memory were a private cinema.
> Hear the dry ground protest the force
> of blade, the crack of shale
> that jars arms, sets teeth on edge.
>
> I can still feel the spine spasm,
> the foot lever sod over and over
> as the hole opens wide enough.
> I remember the thought that it could never
> be deep enough, never deep enough
> to hold this pain. I see
>
> feet walk the path to a crooked gray house
> with porch steps worn down in the center.
> The hand pulls the screen door.
> I hear hinges screech; reluctant to open.
>
> The feet plod up stairs, enter a bedroom
> The back feels a quilted mattress.
> The bones fall into place.
> Through the open window the song
> of an oriole nests in the curves of my ears
> with tears and the sound of the bird
> changes to an ocean trapped
> inside the nautilus of it's own shell.
>
> ~*~
>
> Cheerwell, Mary :O)
>
>
> =====
> Good Cheer & Be Well,
> Maryann Hazen Stearns
>
> "Under The Limbo Stick" http://www.geocities.com/Faerhart/
>
> __________________________________
> Do you Yahoo!?
> Yahoo! Finance: Get your refund fast by filing online.
> http://taxes.yahoo.com/filing.html
=====
Good Cheer & Be Well,
Maryann Hazen Stearns
"Under The Limbo Stick" http://www.geocities.com/Faerhart/
__________________________________
Do you Yahoo!?
Yahoo! Finance: Get your refund fast by filing online.
http://taxes.yahoo.com/filing.html
|