Dear Colin,
I think that this work holds promise, but is as yet unfulfilled in its
potential.  I find that the idea of him being successful doesn't demonstrate
that he's any better off in his ability to deal with people.  He still seems
to be a loner, therefore his status counts for nothing.

He seems to have become the controller rather than the controlled, with no
hint given as to how this transition was achieved.  Maybe those years of not
fitting in were only the symptoms of a boy who was mature before he should
have been, and when life presented a golden opportunity of advancement he
was the most ready to recognise and seize it.  Somehow, I don't think this
would remove the awkwardness on its own.

I don't know what to make of "the grooves on his shins, each enough of a
slot for a pound coin."  I find the extent of his childhood injuries a
little radical - not that he was bullied - but the extremity of it with
nobody intervening.

The end of the first verse is the weakest part of the poem, IMHO, because of
the change in structure and use of language - the way it becomes summarised
as if these points all have to fit in this verse and you don't want to
overrun.  The phrase "Criticise the police" would probably be better
idiomised ie "sneer at the pigs" or some such, reflecting the attitudes of
these boys - and by extension, the contemporaries of the poem's main
character.

Anyway, it focuses my imagination, so it must work.

Regards,
Russ