Many thanks for this valuable input. I've done a slightly different draft
that probably deals with some of what you raised.
bw
James
>From: Colin dewar <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: Re: New Sub: The Ripple Effect/James
>Date: Sat, 7 Feb 2004 14:46:46 -0000
>
>James,
>
>Note typo L2/S1 for stone and W9/L1/S2 and possibly W5/L2/S3. For other
>comments please see below, but overall I liked the flow of this piece. It
>connected well in my mind.
>
>
>Colin
>----- Original Message -----
>From: "James Bell" <[log in to unmask]>
>To: <[log in to unmask]>
>Sent: Thursday, February 05, 2004 12:44 PM
>Subject: New Sub: The Ripple Effect
>
>
> > I'm working on a couple of long sequences at present and this is an
>extract
> > from one called "The Ripple Effect. Nice to get some C&C.
> > - -
> > Leonardo would stand for a day at a time
> > watch the ripples a stonw would make
> > on hitting water
> >
> > though not a poet he would sense the rythmns
> > that circulated in the air ready to be plucked
> > like word fruit
> >
> > found desire was not to be taken from the air
>EXCELLENT UP TO THIS POINT AND THEN I LOSE A SENSE OF WHAT THE NEXT BIT
>REFERS TO
> > but to join its prescence more fully above
> > rivers and fountains
> >
> > examine the movement of waves and consistency
> > of clouds from his imagined machine that would
> > hover in the air
>
> WITH THE NEXT LINE I GET BACK ON THE RAILS AGAIN
> >
> > All this came from being still - fasting though
> > feeding on thoughts - travelling the journeys
> > they took him upon
>
>INTERESTING USE OF UPON. BIG DEBATE ABOUT THIS RECENTLY. MY VIEW (PRETEND
>YOU CARED) IS THAT IT'S OKAY IF YOU HAVE A REASON FOR USING IT E.G. IT
>SOUNDS BETTER THAT "ON", OR YOU WISH TO KEEP IT ALIVE FOR AS LONG AS
>POSSIBLE RATHER THAN NARROWING DOWN PREMATURELY OR THAT IT EMPHASISES
>EXPECTED RESISTANCE E.G. "THEY FELL UPON THE OPPOSITION LIKE A PACK OF
>WOLVES". 3 OTHER OPINIONS I HEARD HERE CONCLUDE THAT IT IS OBSOLETE. MAKE
>YOUR OWN MIND UP........... BUT HERE IT DOES NOT HELP THE SOUND OF THE LINE
>IMO.
> >
> > In a day he would watch a ripple yet listen
> > to many poems - see wonders on his journey
> > and set them down
> >
> > in notebook and memory as if looking into
> > a mirror with no ripple in the glaze
> > or mercury
> >
> > only full understanding of the experience
>THIS LAST LINE TOO LONG AND TECHNICAL SOUNDING. OKAY, L. IS A TECHNICAL
>GUY...BUT THEN HE'S NOT THE ONE THAT'S TALKING.
> > that minds of his own time would not hold to
> > on a flat Earth
> >
> > where a peasant could not be a philosopher
>AFTER THIS LAST GOOD LINE I LOSE THE SENSE OF WHAT'S GOING ON..
> > the world be round and heavier than air metal
> > transport delight
> >
> > outside the design of nature - UNTIL HERE, WHERE I GET BACK ON TRACK
>Leonardo
> > would watch the ripple effect
> > and sigh
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > bw
> > James
> >
> > _________________________________________________________________
> > Stay in touch with absent friends - get MSN Messenger
> > http://www.msn.co.uk/messenger
> >
>ORIG:
>
>
>----- Original Message -----
>From: "James Bell" <[log in to unmask]>
>To: <[log in to unmask]>
>Sent: Thursday, February 05, 2004 12:44 PM
>Subject: New Sub: The Ripple Effect
>
>
> > I'm working on a couple of long sequences at present and this is an
>extract
> > from one called "The Ripple Effect. Nice to get some C&C.
> > - -
> > Leonardo would stand for a day at a time
> > watch the ripples a stonw would make
> > on hitting water
> >
> > though not a poet he would sense the rythmns
> > that circulated in the air ready to be plucked
> > like word fruit
> >
> > found desire was not to be taken from the air
> > but to join its prescence more fully above
> > rivers and fountains
> >
> > examine the movement of waves and consistency
> > of clouds from his imagined machine that would
> > hover in the air
> >
> > All this came from being still - fasting though
> > feeding on thoughts - travelling the journeys
> > they took him upon
> >
> > In a day he would watch a ripple yet listen
> > to many poems - see wonders on his journey
> > and set them down
> >
> > in notebook and memory as if looking into
> > a mirror with no ripple in the glaze
> > or mercury
> >
> > only full understanding of the experience
> > that minds of his own time would not hold to
> > on a flat Earth
> >
> > where a peasant could not be a philosopher
> > the world be round and heavier than air metal
> > transport delight
> >
> > outside the design of nature - Leonardo
> > would watch the ripple effect
> > and sigh
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > bw
> > James
> >
> > _________________________________________________________________
> > Stay in touch with absent friends - get MSN Messenger
> > http://www.msn.co.uk/messenger
> >
_________________________________________________________________
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