Dear Arthur,
I confess I have a bit of trouble getting a handle on this one. I think
the problem is that I feel I need more of a logical progression in the
stanzas.
If this were a sonnet, say, I'd identify the volta as S5, and I would have
liked to see a definite change in the imagery after that, but it just seems
to be inserted amongst the other strophes - I wondered if it shouldn't be
the penultimate one, or at least S6 should mark a definite shift in mood or
tense.
With more structure, I think the poem would have feel more focussed and have
more impact.
Kind regards,
grasshopper
----- Original Message -----
From: "Arthur Seeley" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Wednesday, January 28, 2004 9:34 PM
Subject: [THE-WORKS] New Sub: Road Map
> Road Map
>
> I walked
> where sunlight smouldered in the grass
> and reeled as each blade bent
> to let me pass
> to stumble all the ways
> I walked.
>
> I walked
> when time swung listless in the sky
> and, lonely as that first star,
> my stick and I
> swept all the ways
> I walked
>
> I walked
> where summer hummed in every bush
> and soft breasts bloomed
> as my first blush
> lit all the ways
> I walked.
>
> I walked
> the staggered streets of night
> where every window
> spilled a pallid light
> down all the ways
> I walked.
>
> I walked
> long corridors of rubber tiles
> as she lay dying
> and her last smiles
> paved all the ways
> I walked.
>
> I walked
> on shining southern sands
> where bright waves broke
> and other lands
> loaned all the ways
> I walked.
>
> Now I walk
> where stars and blushes, sands and sea
> candescent on the road behind
> show clear to me
> the patterns of the ways
> I walked.
>
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