Hi Calaya,
Thank you for your kind comments. I agree that it feels a bit too stiff at
the moment, so that'll be my first task in revising it. I think Arthur and
Ryfkah both touched on the same thing, really.
I'm glad the emotional content of it got across though.
You'll have to excuse my ignorance - are Redwings a type of sneaker, then?
I'll look forward to reading that. I remember as a kid reading a short story
by Ray Bradbury in the Readers' Digest, about sneakers, and it stuck in my
mind for years.
Regards,
Matt
-----Original Message-----
From: calaya [mailto:[log in to unmask]]
Sent: 05 January 2004 17:28
To: [log in to unmask]
Subject: Re: New sub: Redwings
THIS EMAIL HAS BEEN SWEPT FOR VIRUSES BY THE NORTHCLIFFE GROUP MAILSWEEPER
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hi Matt,
i really enjoyed reading this. Something about the
form/ line break choices seem to make it feel stiff,
stifel the flow? But even that didn't distract me from
the super read, well put IMHO. The final S has real
emotional punch
Really like the fact that Redwings set me up for a
poem about sneakers, as in footwear, tee hee. Nice
surprise.
later
calaya
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