> Hello Gary,
I prefer the first of these two versions (I´m one of those who particularly enjoy poems about poetry). I think the idea of the poem is an interesting one and it comes across well in the poem. There are a couple of small queries. In S3 I note the double use of `even´ in lines 2 and 3. I think `vers libre´ should be written thus, or `free verse´. I felt the last line of S1 read as rather lecturing.
I hope these comments are useful.
Best wishes, Mike
> Lähettäjä: Gary Blankenship <[log in to unmask]>
> Päiväys: 2004/02/05 to PM 05:13:18 GMT+02:00
> Vastaanottaja: [log in to unmask]
> Aihe: When Mediocrity is Found by the Side of the Road
>
> (I wrote two versions - one using poetry as the theme, one not. Some folks
> do not like poems about poems, so I gave them a choice. -- Smiles. Gary)
>
> When Mediocrity is Found by the Side of the Road
>
> as opportunity presents itself. It can take mediocrity into the genius
> spectra and beyond.
> --Dane Hebert
>
> We set our feet hard on a track
> so many others have attempted
> to conquer, each fully confident
> he knew the solution to its riddles
> as we always believe we do.
>
> Strewn along the trail, signs
> their confidence was misplaced -
> busted similes; paeans to God,
> country, leaders, lovers; odes
> to birds that sing from gilded cages;
>
> sonnets without meter; bewildered
> rhyme; even verse libre without
> even the music of common prose.
> Beneath the debris, we spot
> a hint of sparkle - from jewels
>
> or a treasure of the finest gold.
> We shove aside lost, dusty words,
> kick the last with our foot to find
> a stone streaked with pyrite,
> a thumb-sized impression in one side,
>
> small enough to fit in our pocket,
> large enough to take our worries
> as we set out to find a way others missed.
>
> *
>
> When Mediocrity is Found by the Side of the Road II
>
> as opportunity presents itself. It can take mediocrity into the genius
> spectra and beyond.
> --Dane Hebert
>
> We set our feet hard on a track
> so many others have attempted
> to conquer, each fully confident
> he knew the solution to its riddles
> as we always believe we do.
>
> Strewn along the trail, signs
> their confidence was misplaced -
> busted buggies; cross stitch paeans to God,
> country, leaders, lovers; paintings
> of birds that sing from gilded cages;
>
> portraits aunts who pray and pinch;
> velvet corsets without whalebone;
> notebooks packed with purple prose.
> Beneath the debris, we spot
> a hint of sparkle - from jewels
>
> or a treasure of the finest gold.
> We shove aside tools and toys,
> kick the last with our foot to find
> an stone with a streak of pyrite,
> a thumb-sized impression in one side,
>
> small enough to fit in our pocket,
> large enough to take our worries
> as we set out to find a way others missed.
>
>
> Writer's Hood, the best poetry on the web, at http://www.writershood.com/
> Poets for Peace.... ¡Poemas sí, balas no!
>
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