Mike,

I like the sound of this poem with it's long sonorous lines, even if i'm not
always happy with the individual words. Interesting use of sound too,
ensuring that the last word of each stanza does not find a rhyme with what
goes before, and yes that can sound good to hear the stanzas brought to a
close so decisively. As for the individual words..........."without
happiness she could still be happy".......this is too conspicuously
challenging IMO. Suggest sth. more modest that wouldn't detract from the
flow of the poem. Note triple use of "though" in S1, S3 and S4.. DK if this
is intentional. Of course repetition can be good but I don't know if
"though" is plangent enough to be used this way. Suggest removal of
"numbered" L4/S2. The whole sentence is almost unsayably long. Last line of
the poem could be said more elegantly. I don't know, something like, "she
never thought that loss had spoiled her life."

BW

Colin


----- Original Message -----
From: "Mike Horwood" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Monday, February 02, 2004 9:54 AM
Subject: new sub: Claire Clairmont


Claire Clairmont And Allegra

It is not true to say that her soul was withered
within her by the death of her five-year-old child,
though she said herself she had never again smiled
absolutely; without happiness she could still be happy.

Far from familiar scenes she stepped on strange stairs
to her room´s cold and lonely austerity.
But she often remarked, those whom posterity
had honoured with greatness were numbered among her friends,

though her passage through life had been solitary.
And when she died, in a country remote from her
daughter´s grave, the shawl, her lover´s last gift to her
sixty years earlier, was laid in the coffin.

When violet evening clouds were edged with orange,
reflected in still water, she watched the day´s slow wane.
And though this scene could not remove her pain,
she never tried to believe that her loss negated its beauty.




Mike