> Hello Bob,
            Many thanks for your comments on this one, you´ve given me some interesting things to think about. I don´t believe I can drop the first stanza totally because of the info it contains but moving it is something I can play about with. I think the rather long stretch of the first two lines is my least favourite part of the piece. I´m a little surprised that you found S2 lacking in `poetry´ as I was rather pleased with the sound of `stepped on strange stairs´ as mimicing in some way the action it describes, but but it´s only 1/2 a line out of 4, oh well. `Wane´, as you suggest, is period diction, like several others I´ve used. BTW I´d also felt quite pleased with the slowing of the rhythm in the phrase `she watched the day´s  slow wane´ ....I´m sort of looking out for a gold star for that bit ;->



Best wishes,   Mike



> Lähettäjä: Bob Cooper <[log in to unmask]>
> Päiväys: 2004/02/03 ti PM 03:02:06 GMT+02:00
> Vastaanottaja: [log in to unmask]
> Aihe: Re: new sub: Claire Clairmont
> 
> Hi Mike,
> I'm really troubled by the first stanza...
> The rest of the poem seems to work with the passion of the person (but 
> stanza 2's ever so polite and the poetry of the poem seems to kick in after 
> that!).
> The rhyme scheme's - sort of half-a-Tennysonian - working well (good scheme 
> for the subject matter!).
> Could the first stanza be slotted in elsewhere? Or dropped altogether? Or 
> re-written (try reordering lines/try adding images/try missing out lines and 
> thinking of something else) and then slotted in elsewhere?
> Bob
> Who doesn't mind not knowing who she was! Who needs just another nudge from 
> inside the poem to go scurrying off to find out...
> and who thinks the word "wane" will only work if the person lived and died 
> when "wane" was a word people used! (I think what's spelt "wain"'s now only 
> a Scots word for a bairn!).
> 
> 
> >From: Mike Horwood <[log in to unmask]>
> >Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
> >To: [log in to unmask]
> >Subject: new sub: Claire Clairmont
> >Date: Mon, 2 Feb 2004 11:54:46 +0200
> >
> >Claire Clairmont And Allegra
> >
> >It is not true to say that her soul was withered
> >within her by the death of her five-year-old child,
> >though she said herself she had never again smiled
> >absolutely; without happiness she could still be happy.
> >
> >Far from familiar scenes she stepped on strange stairs
> >to her room´s cold and lonely austerity.
> >But she often remarked, those whom posterity
> >had honoured with greatness were numbered among her friends,
> >
> >though her passage through life had been solitary.
> >And when she died, in a country remote from her
> >daughter´s grave, the shawl, her lover´s last gift to her
> >sixty years earlier, was laid in the coffin.
> >
> >When violet evening clouds were edged with orange,
> >reflected in still water, she watched the day´s slow wane.
> >And though this scene could not remove her pain,
> >she never tried to believe that her loss negated its beauty.
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >Mike
> 
> _________________________________________________________________
> Tired of 56k? Get a FREE BT Broadband connection 
> http://www.msn.co.uk/specials/btbroadband
>