Many thanks for the feedback on this poem.

Hi Calaya, that verse was an absolute devil to translate into
English - I got them back by writing the 'whisky moon' verse which
caused much gnashing of teeth to convey in Japanese!

I'm joking only about the genderist tendencies Colin, what is
significant I believe is that a poets personality can communicate just
as surely in such brief verses as in more extended pieces.

Bob raises a number of points. There are three authors Bob; there's
actually a proof copy of the text on the net at
http://www.villarana.freeserve.co.uk/temp/score/score%20Eng%20lower.htm
which is probably easier to read. In keeping with tradition it carries
verse-by-verse attributions.

The seasonal mini-themes are traditional structural devices. In this
poem there are five as 'New Year' is considered a season for these
purposes. Any given seasonal run will exhibit internal chronological
consistency but the sequences themselves do not necessarily appear in
calendar order. They are probably best considered as tonal palettes.

The single most important generative mechanism in renku is 'link and
shift' - the practice that each added verse links to that immediately
preceding, but marks a comprehensive move away from the one before
that: A links to B, and B links to C - but C is different in all
respects to A.

I am informed by those who know that this approach is unique to
Japanese literature having occurred in no other society in recorded
history. It means of course that narrative, thematic or polemical
progression are impossible and the poem becomes instead a kind of
aural collage generating shifting patterns of mood and tone in which
the folio divisions mark separate movements, or separate acts.

In terms of reading renku - the fine expression of the poem is
considered not to reside in the text of the verses themselves but more
properly in the unstated relationships that they trigger - both
between themselves, and in the mind of the reader.

I love it! You might be interested in the poems in the renku section
of the online magazine at the link below. I think the Shisan in the
current issue is rather good. And in the December issue there's
another Shisan (a type of 12 verse sequence) which is, IMHO, highly
accomplished.

Best wishes, john e c



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