> Hello Bob,
            Erm...so you didn´t like it, then? I´ve got a nasty feeling this isn´t going to do much to repair the damage I´ve already done to your sanity, but I don´t have too much trouble reading the lines, even out loud. This may be due to the damage already inflicted on my own sanity. Oh well. This point would need to be resolved with the spoken word, of course, we can´t do it by email and you may well be right that the shifts in rhythm from line to line (which I don´t dispute) are too violent to work. Although I was interested in your comment `you´re either being very clever with sound and sense....´ and if I have a choice, that´s the alternative I think I´d go for ;->. Okay, I´m joking, of course. Probably this poem´s heading for the bin so it doesn´t matter too much. If you´re at all interested in what I thought I was doing I gave some kind of explanation in my recent reply to Colin, but I don´t know if it makes much sense so if you´re still feeling in a mentally fragile state....what should I say? Proceed with caution, perhaps.


Best wishes,   Mike


> Lähettäjä: Bob Cooper <[log in to unmask]>
> Päiväys: 2004/01/27 ti PM 11:48:21 GMT+02:00
> Vastaanottaja: [log in to unmask]
> Aihe: Re: new sub: The refugee of evolution
> 
> Hi Mike,
> I'm not yet sure what's going on here.
> Why ain't I sure?
> Cos each time I've tried to read it I've got waylayed by some line that's 
> rhythmically unsayable! It's as if you set up a neat flow in one set of 
> lines then "plunk" as soon as the next line's starting I find I'm feeling 
> awkward and angry.
> So, the first five lines have NEAT RHYTHM! (though I sometimes struggle with 
> saying "sensitivity" and find it's quick flow of rhythm sets me up to really 
> dum-di-dum my way through the next line!).
> The next five lines then ignore that rhythm and start to wander into other 
> rhythms... which make me feel you're either being very clever with 
> sound-and-sense or... you've dropped the drum-sticks! It's the "movie" line 
> where things have no echo whatsoever of how the poem's first five lines 
> established things. I then think - with the line "so the world watches him 
> unheeded..." that the whole poem starts to collapse completely. The next 
> line feels inept and I can't get far enough to say the last couplet!
> I suggest, therefore, for the sake of my sanity and how I hear poems in my 
> head, that you either listen aloud to how the sounds of the first few lines 
> work - and decide it's too pronounced and the rhythm needs weakening - or 
> you work the end few lines of the poem so the whole thing doesn't drive me 
> mad!
> With all that's gone before, how the **** can you "say" the bird line and 
> stay sane?????? Looking at that line in isolation, as well, makes me wonder 
> "wing his secret" - I feel a cliche lurking here!
> Bob
> 
> 
> >From: Mike Horwood <[log in to unmask]>
> >Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
> >To: [log in to unmask]
> >Subject: new sub: The refugee of evolution
> >Date: Mon, 26 Jan 2004 14:51:02 +0200
> >
> >The Refugee Of Evolution
> >
> >He knew Darwin had said of the eye
> >that it led him to question his theory,
> >in his own case, though, he had doubts about
> >a most basic sensitivity to light
> >or the capacity to respond to its stimuli.
> >When he replayed old scenes in his mind´s eye
> >it was like watching a movie
> >where a figure walks over uneven ground,
> >bearing a cloth-covered bowl which contains
> >an unnamed solution. He must not spill a drop.
> >So while the world watches him unheeded,
> >he fixes his attention on his hands,
> >oblivious to the birds that wing his secret
> >through the air, that it is written on every leaf.
> >
> >
> >
> >Mike
> 
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