> Hello Colin,
              I like the concept of this poem very much. I have a few small suggestions you might like to consider. In line 4-5 I´m not sure if this is what you mean but if it is what about `bent/ against clothing´? What about continuing line 5 `so it was dad´s duty´? I´m not sure about the phrase `as sure as any gun´ in line 9. It reads a bit prosy to me and the sense is possibly questionable, although I can´t claim to be an expert on the relative degrees of effectiveness between guns and swords;-> I felt that line 11-12 was a bit unclear. Is the sense like this, `but on giving the sword to his son he immediately found himself pinned on its end´? It can´t be written like this in the poem, of course, but if this is the meaning you want to convey I think it´s a bit too condensed in the form it appears at present. `but on giving the sword, found himself pinned on its end´ might work. (or I might have got the sense wrong in the first place?) In line 15 I´d like to see an article before `grin´ and change `that´ to `his´. I´d also like an article in the penultimate line before `inverted V´ and possible change `before´ to `where´ in the last line.
These are just suggestions, of course. I hope they´re useful.



Best wishes,   Mike


> Lähettäjä: Colin dewar <[log in to unmask]>
> Päiväys: 2004/01/26 ma PM 09:43:29 GMT+02:00
> Vastaanottaja: [log in to unmask]
> Aihe: newsub/lesson
> 
>  The Lesson
> 
> This man sustained a sword blow to his leg and a second across his face. He
> survived both -you can see from the healed bone -though he would have been
> blind in the left eye. This is the injury that killed him, a sword thrust
> from the front so deep that it penetrated the spine.  (BBC2 documentary on
> the excavation of a Celtic hill fort).
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> He'd always said his son wouldn't play
> with knives or guns, but gave up
> when he found him making his own.
> His first swords, cut from card, bent
> upon cotton. As Dad was it not duty
> to tape two and slip in a splint of cane?
> 
> The sword -a romantic weapon-yes-
> but it rends flesh and splits bone
> as sure as any gun. "Remember
> it's just a game," he urged his son,
> but showing the blade found him pinned
> on the end, and so made another,
> "just for defence". As the son struck,
> old reflex deflected and counter-struck.
> 
> With modest grin that father said,
> "Strike to the centre, the atemi points
> are up the middle from groin to chin
> and both sides from ear to knee.
> Well that's enough for today." But the son
> spun, feinted to groin, struck inverted V
> before ribs meet and touched the jugular notch.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> ______________________________
>