Hi Colin,
I'm piggybacking here, or swan riding, because Helen's said all that need be
said. No Need For The First 2 Stanzas In This Poem! (You "might" need to say
things differently in it, or say more, but that's what the poem's about!)
And Helen, I'd never thought of that... "Consider..." it's a mega-distancing
rhetorical device to use, ain't it just. I wonder it if belongs in "King
James' culture, or 1st Century Aramaic story-telling culture... I'll
consider...
Bob
>From: Helen Clare <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: Re: newsub/Queen's Bird
>Date: Sun, 25 Jan 2004 18:57:20 -0000
>
>Hi Colin
>The meat of this poem seems to come in stanza three - and while we so need
>the conflict between the agressive and the tender I'm not so sure all the
>set up in the first verse is neccesary. I actually quite like the distant
>tone and the move into the intimate but not sure its quite right. Wasn't
>Jesus the last person to get away with using "consider..." as a lead into
>an
>image?
>Helen
>
>----- Original Message -----
>From: "Colin dewar" <[log in to unmask]>
>To: <[log in to unmask]>
>Sent: Saturday, January 24, 2004 12:30 PM
>Subject: newsub/Queen's Bird
>
>
> > The Queen's Bird
> >
> > They say that a swan in anger
> > can break a man's arm with its wing.
> > Watch pond visitors withdraw
> > when one swan comes. But I'd back
> > the human every time. Just consider
> > a man in his twenties with deft feet
> > and palms hardened by axe and shovel
> > against neck, so like a jug handle,
> > in snowy circumference a hand's length.
> >
> > Three chicks bob to the shore, bread bound
> > till they topple in foam, wet wing fronds and stand,
> > ovals of down only, cloud-grey,
> > a mouthful each for the tod fox
> > that lingers in willows, and watches.
> > Their father is swift on still water.
> > Through wing's arc I see air and shore beyond,
> > his neck like a serpent, the chisel bill and head
> > held proudly, the breast that none dares touch
> > for any swan is the queen's bird.
> >
> > My four year old son fed cygnets
> > with fingers so soft that the flaked bread dropped
> > and so bent to urge the crumbs further.
> > The curve of his skull approached as the chicks pecked.
> > I heard the aggressive hiss, saw plumes spread,
> > a hard cob, threatening my boy.
> >
> >
> > Colin
> >
> >
> > PS Does anyone know more about the law in question and/or think I should
>say
> > more about it as a foot note?
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