Grassy,
Thanks for all comments. Please see below.
BW
Colin
----- Original Message -----
From: "grasshopper" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Monday, January 26, 2004 4:47 AM
Subject: Re: newsub/Queen's Bird
> Dear Colin,
> I agree with dropping the first stanza, which veers between prose-y and
> over-poetic. I VALUE YOUR OPINION. THANKS FOR LETTING ME KNOW.Also, I
don't think this simile works-
> 'against neck, so like a jug handle,
> in snowy circumference a hand's length'
> How is a neck like a jug handle? BOTH ARE CURVED AND GRIPPABLE.
> snowy circumference? -this chap sounds like he works in the open air:
> 'snowy' skin doesn't seem appropriate.IT'S THE NECK THAT'S SNOWY.
> And circumference is the measure right round the neck - I don't think you
> can span a neck with one hand.DEPENDS ON THE SIZE OF THE HAND (AND THE
SIZE OF THE SWAN, BUT DON'T FORGET THAT HUMANS HAVE THE BENEFIT OF AN
OPPOSABLE THUMB WHICH LENGHTHENS THE CIRCUMFERENCE OF THE GRIP AND THAT
SWANS HAVE THIN NECKS SURROUNDED BY AN OUTER LAYER OF HIGHLY COMPRESSABLE
FEATHERS- NOT THAT I'M PLANNING TO PUT IT TO THE TEST!
> Yep, I think it can go...
> Kind regards,
> grasshopper
>
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: "Colin dewar" <[log in to unmask]>
> To: <[log in to unmask]>
> Sent: Saturday, January 24, 2004 12:30 PM
> Subject: [THE-WORKS] newsub/Queen's Bird
>
>
> > The Queen's Bird
> >
> > They say that a swan in anger
> > can break a man's arm with its wing.
> > Watch pond visitors withdraw
> > when one swan comes. But I'd back
> > the human every time. Just consider
> > a man in his twenties with deft feet
> > and palms hardened by axe and shovel
> > against neck, so like a jug handle,
> > in snowy circumference a hand's length.
> >
> > Three chicks bob to the shore, bread bound
> > till they topple in foam, wet wing fronds and stand,
> > ovals of down only, cloud-grey,
> > a mouthful each for the tod fox
> > that lingers in willows, and watches.
> > Their father is swift on still water.
> > Through wing's arc I see air and shore beyond,
> > his neck like a serpent, the chisel bill and head
> > held proudly, the breast that none dares touch
> > for any swan is the queen's bird.
> >
> > My four year old son fed cygnets
> > with fingers so soft that the flaked bread dropped
> > and so bent to urge the crumbs further.
> > The curve of his skull approached as the chicks pecked.
> > I heard the aggressive hiss, saw plumes spread,
> > a hard cob, threatening my boy.
> >
> >
> > Colin
> >
> >
> > PS Does anyone know more about the law in question and/or think I should
> say
> > more about it as a foot note?
> >
>
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