> Hello Gary,
Thanks for your comments. Even though I like to be long-winded, I´m always willing to look at the possibility of taking out the old pruners ;-> I´ll see if anything can go in the earlier part.
Best wishes, Mike
> Lähettäjä: Gary Blankenship <[log in to unmask]>
> Päiväys: 2004/01/22 to PM 07:47:38 GMT+02:00
> Vastaanottaja: [log in to unmask]
> Aihe: Re: New sub: Bream
>
> I gradually draw the shape of a large bream
> out of the lake´s dark depths
> into the shallows beside the jetty.
> It drifts among the stems,
> sifts the soft silt of past generations
> of water plants for nourishment,
> sucks and blows yellow ochre clouds
> and leaves these signs behind;
> pock marks in the mud, lines
> where its tail has dragged.
>
> Mike, the heart of the poem. I wonder if what is before should be drawn in
> fewer lines.
>
> Smiles.
>
> Gary
>
>
> Writer's Hood, the best poetry on the web, at http://www.writershood.com/
> Poets for Peace.... ¡Poemas sí, balas no!
>
>
|