Calaya,
I like the vivid imagery in the first stanza especially. As for winged
things sail high, paradoxically I like this. Poets are supposed to be
specific, but I've seen sufficient winged things sailing high that's it's
easy for me to imagine it. Not sure about the sunny hues being louder than
the phone. Not that the phone can't be insistent, but the scale is
different, or perhaps you meant that the tranquillity of the sun rising or
setting takes you away from phones and faxes and all those things.I'm afraid
I can't make much of the last 3 lines of S4. Maybe the link with what goes
before could be strengthened? The image of icy winds whipping a flag is
excellent. Are the apostrophes in L3/S2 and L4/5 where you want them to be?
I don't know but I thought you might want to check.
BW
Colin
----- Original Message -----
From: "calaya" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Tuesday, January 20, 2004 2:58 AM
Subject: New: Gunmetal Blues
C & C, if you please
calaya
Gunmetal Blues
Icy winds flap a flag,
messages dressed in dim
across partly cloudy skies
crying gunmetal blues.
Winged things sail high.
Snowflakes chill on limbs.
Behind the signals' pole,
beyond slumbering birch
a current exhales;
and on a near horizon
the sun shouts hues
louder than the phone.
Tones cold as my, "Hello?"
Scales older than wrong numbers.
Blood sounds, 'round pale,
dispirited stripes.
Icy winds whip a flag.
Cataract's throw spaces
dressed in double faces
over a standards' messages.
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