Hi Calaya,
I think the poem works relatively well, but I don't know if the title
appropriately summarises the thought content therein. IMHO, there is a lot
more visualisation surrounding the flag contained in the poem; for ex.
flap a flag (obviously)
sail
signals' pole
stripes
whip a flag (again, ob.)
standards' messages
The only images I see reflecting the Gunmetal Blue are
cloudy skies
slumbering birch (maybe, if its a silver birch)
near horizon
sun shouts hues (though I associate the sun with gold)
These images are not as powerful as the preceding.
Therefore, I would reconsider if the title is appropriate to the message of
the poem, but that's just my opinion.
Regards,
Russ
|