Calaya,
Thanks for your feedback and sensitive reworking. The representation of
"reality" in the subjective space of a child's head (or any head) is well
brought out in your version IMO.
Thanks for the crit and keep it coming.
Colin
----- Original Message -----
From: "calaya" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Monday, January 19, 2004 6:32 PM
Subject: Re: sub/sleeping
> hey colin, i was so touched by this piece that i've
> taken a day or so to get past that so that i can just
> read the work. hope u don't mind that i just played
> with it and here's that:
>
> wonder, a child asleep in my arms
> and i'm awake,aware,my hand against
> a soft head,and we're breathing
> like waves on a shore
>
> infant head no bigger than breadfruit
> holds forests, wolves, bears
> castles walls, ghosts in the wardrobe
> cities lamps aglow through windows
>
> halos like orange stars
> whale clouds plunging a blue ocean
> planets turning in their books.
> Too soon, you may forget.
>
> Now, wonder
> and everything else folded
> in the soft balls
> rolling on our shoulders.
>
> hope i haven't hurt it, really, or lose important
> meaning for you. just a readers response and the
> pokey, picky old woman poet, too. Wonder if Wonder
> might say more that you want said, as a title? Either
> way, thanks for the good work
> later cousin
> calaya
>
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