Hi Arthur,
Very helpful thanks, and not at all too negative. I made a big effort over
the holiday to tidy up and finish off a lot of pretty half-baked pieces, but
I'm pretty sure I did a bit of a rush job on a lot of them, this included!
I've enjoyed reading your recent pieces and will follow your suggestion of
looking at combining prose and poetry in that way.
You were right, too. It was Bede's Ecclesiastical History I was referring
to. It's a bit of a favourite with me.
Regards,
Matt

-----Original Message-----
From: Arthur Seeley [mailto:[log in to unmask]]
Sent: 05 January 2004 15:30
To: [log in to unmask]
Subject: Re: New sub: Redwings


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Hi Matt.
The first thing that strikes me is the uniformity of form here. Quatrains
neatly stacked without too much overlap of lines. Then when I read it I
notice the strange line breaks and it seems almost that you have cut them to
size and that size is your sole criteria  for establishing line length and
breaks. Further the language, where it is precise enough and well written,
is prosaic for the most part and the poetry does not kick in until just
inside the penultimate strophe. Third strophe you have a sentence beginning
with 'and' which is a conjunction and should conjoin, it is in any case
extraneous both in sense and rhythm. Am I right in detecting hints at
Beowulf, or Bede, in the last strophe, or is my memory playing me false. It
does sometimes. These comments seem wholly negative Matt and I regret that
but might I point you towards thinking that the first part could well stand
as prose in its own right and no need to make it look like poetry, which I
think you have either consciously or subconsciously done and then the last
part towards a poetic form of some kind. I am playing with this mixture of
prose and poetry at the moment and I do it to avoid being accused of being
too telly. The process does guide me, and the reader too, I hope, towards
that crystallization of words that is poetry.. There is no reason that the
two, prose and poetry, should be kept apart. Just some thoughts that I hope
might be helpful. Regards Arthur.
----- Original Message -----
From: "Merritt, Matt - Leic. Mercury" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Monday, January 05, 2004 2:31 PM
Subject: New sub: Redwings


> Hi,
>
> First thing I've posted in ages - first thing I've finished, for that
> matter! I think it's still pretty raw though, and could do with some
> knocking about.
>
> Regards,
> Matt
>
>
>
> Redwings
>
> Useful, at least, to learn the limitations
> of patio heaters in October, and how
> bare belly-buttons and cold shoulders
> have had their day. It's clear from the
>
> shimmer of the early stars that the salad
> and the ice-cream will go the same way,
> and soon we are gathering round the
> only heat like pickets in the Seventies.
>
> And then we notice the thin, hissing calls
> overhead, keeping the rest of their night
> flight from Norway close, tight. Sounds like
> seep, someone says, but we're offered see-iz
>
> by the Readers' Digest guide. If we were
> poets, we might be tempted to claim they're
> the sound of approaching winter on the wing,
> but, of course, no-one says a thing. We should
>
> be thinking of a sparrow's swift, flickering
> flight past thegn and ceorl, through the warm,
> wide, firelit hall. We don't though, and just feel the
> dark ages, seep-seep-seeping into our souls.