Bob,

At last I found a moment to look through this poem, what with the kids
repeatedly interrupting to give a blow by blow account of how Superman was
getting on in Superman Part 2. There's a lot to like in this poem,
especially the beautiful allusions to a possible connection in the second
half of the poem, but my major criticism would be that I'm not quite sure
where the moment is located in the poem. The poem appears to span a 24 hour
period and I'm not sure what the most significant part is. True the first
line states "it appeared last night" but the second half seems to have a
moment of its own with greater intensity of language (implying greater
intensity of experience). Of course it could be that it is a significant
period in general but the emphasis of the "moment" goes against this.
Another possibility (probably my preferred possibility) is that the narrator
is using a decentralised view of time so that it is "ever the same moment
passing and not passing" but firstly I would like to see more working out of
that view of time in other parts of the poem, and secondly the perceived
passage of time seems to be important in its own right - the narrator refers
to it in significant ways. It could be that you wrote the poem out of
interest in the apparent paradox.

Another thing connected to this is that I lose track of what's happening
once I get to "the only moment, as when clothes fall so slowly again,
gently". I find it hard at this point to locate it in what is strongly a
narrative poem. I also find it hard to conceptualise the presence of the
blackbird and I wonder if this is because there isn't a verb to go with it.
I just have the gatepost. Is it on the gatepost singing in the evening, or
the the following morning? A dawn chorus?

In the end I would keep the last lines of the poem (or something like them).
They are risky (because how can grace be secret and trusting? - an
abstraction on an abstraction) but they help the reader to focus on the
communicative aspects of the poem. BTW I appreciate the sentiment of the
poem. Doesn't poetry go further than other modes of communication?

Please see below in the poem for other suggestions. Thank you for sharing
this poem.

Colin


PS Someone said that life is a succession of moments savoured and replaced
by the next.---But how long is a moment? How long does it take a person to
say to themself, "This is this moment walking across this bridge in this
moonlight with this person - and I will remember it when I look back? 20
seconds 40 seconds? It doesn't matter - but in any case it is often in the
appreciating of time as a moment that experience is stored and not lost for
ever.


----- Original Message -----
From: "Bob Cooper" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Friday, December 24, 2004 2:33 PM
Subject: This is the only moment


Hi! Hope you're starting to have the kind of Christmas you want and like --
and if you've got any space over the next few days and want to give a poem
some C & C, a good looking over and talking to, then here's your chance!






MODIFIED:This is the only moment

yet it appeared last night AS I met Chris outside Kwiksave
and we chatted and laughed for ages, the light hesitating moment
when the sickle moon (DELETE just) hung IN DARKNESS
and a van's headlights lasted in my eyes (DELETE dazzled so a blackness)
even as I stared in my bag in the kitchen, not seeing my milk or cans,
and tonight, when the waning moon has thinned a little (DELETE more),
AND Venus APPEARS bright BESIDE it,
the lilac blossom by the post-box holds the light so close to itself
AS MY LETTER TO YOU SLIPS like a tongue into a mouth, (DELETE so confident),
the only moment, as when clothes fall (DELETE so) slowly (DELETE again,
gently)
as my envelope onto the layers of post, and (DELETE just)  now, like me,
the blackbird on the gatepost, CLAIMS what matters
(DELETE for such a small bird).  But how will you know (DELETE of) all this,
all that's (DELETE as) secret and trusting as the briefest revealing of
grace?



BTW The inclusion of blackbird is excellent IMO - implies complexity via
evolutionary psychology, much of which can be read into the poem as soon as
an analagous species is mentioned.
_____________________________________________


ORIGINAL :This is the only moment

yet it appeared last night when I'd met Chris outside Kwiksave
and we chatted and laughed for ages, the light hesitating moment
when the sickle moon just hung there in the luminescent dark
and a van's headlights dazzled so a blackness lasted in my eyes
even as I stared in my bag in the kitchen, not seeing my milk or cans,
and tonight, when the waning moon has thinned a little more,
so, when Venus suddenly appears so bright alongside it,
the lilac blossom by the post-box holds the light so close to itself
as I slip in my letter to you, like a tongue into a mouth, so confident,
the only moment, as when clothes fall so slowly again, gently
as my envelope onto the layers of post, and just now, like me,
the blackbird on the gatepost, such a loud claim on what matters
for such a small bird.  But how will you know of all this,
all that's as secret and trusting as the briefest revealing of grace?

Bob Cooper