Hi Sally,
Thanks for this! I'd written it with with the lines all this length but I 
can see some value is chopping the lines in half and indenting the second 
halves. It then becomes a question of how fast the poem wants to be read - 
at the moment I'm reading this version slightly more quickly and emphasising 
different phrases. The changes are subtle, but significant... I'm wondering 
if some of the shorter, indented lines, now carry too much emphasis and the 
line "and now, just like me" feels very thin but I'm looking at what I'm now 
seeing very closely!
Bob

>From: Sally Evans <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: Re: This is the only moment
>Date: Fri, 24 Dec 2004 22:36:50 +0000
>
>on 24/12/04 2:33 pm, Bob Cooper at [log in to unmask] wrote:
>
> > Hi! Hope you're starting to have the kind of Christmas you want and like 
>--
> > and if you've got any space over the next few days and want to give a 
>poem
> > some C & C, a good looking over and talking to, then here's your chance!
> >
> >
> > This is the only moment
> >
> > yet it appeared last night
>     when I’d met Chris outside Kwiksave
> > and we chatted and laughed for ages,
>     the light hesitating moment
> > when the sickle moon just hung there
>     in the luminescent dark
> > and a van’s headlights dazzled
>     so a blackness lasted in my eyes
> > even as I stared in my bag in the kitchen,
>     not seeing my milk or cans,
> > and tonight, when the waning moon
>     has thinned a little more,
> > so, when Venus suddenly appears
>     so bright alongside it,
> > the lilac blossom by the post-box
>     holds the light so close to itself
> > as I slip in my letter to you,
>     like a tongue into a mouth, so confident,
> > the only moment, as when clothes fall
>     so slowly again, gently
> > as my envelope onto the layers of post,
>     and just now, like me,
> > the blackbird on the gatepost,
>     such a loud claim on what matters
> > for such a small bird.
>     But how will you know of all this,
> > all that’s as secret and trusting
>     as the briefest revealing of grace?
> >
> > Bob Cooper