> Hello Matt,
             Thanks for your comments, and also pointing out that weak line. It now reads, `It gave a preview of events to come´. It´s still obvious but maybe less awkward.


Best wishes,    MIke


> 
> Hi Mike,
> Only had time for a quick read but I liked this a lot. The first line
> grabbed me, and the rhythm and recurring rhyme work well IMO.
> The only line I didn't like was "It gave a preview of what was to come". Not
> sure whether I'd want to lose it altogether, or whether it just sounds like
> too obvious a pointer, but I'd definitely tinker with it.
> I'll look forward to reading it again when I've got a bit more time on my
> hands.
> Regards,
> Matt 
> 
> -----Original Message-----
> From: The Pennine Poetry Works [mailto:[log in to unmask]] On Behalf
> Of Mike Horwood
> Sent: 23 December 2004 09:43
> To: [log in to unmask]
> Subject: New sub: A Trailer
> 
> 
> Here´s a jolly little piece to cheer everyone up. The word `across´ in line
> 5 was originally `upon´ but I changed it because I think `upon´ is regarded
> as outdated these days. Actually, I prefer it, and `across´ is not quite
> right because rowing in circles is not moving across. Any comments/help?
> 
> 
> A Trailer
> 
> This is what you´ve dragged behind you
> down the whispering, transparent years.
> It gave a preview of what was to come.
> To that time and place a sense adheres
> of rowing in a fog across a lake
> in endless rings and slowly dawning fears
> of orientation lost, till your belief
> in reaching the sunny shore all but disappears.
> It hurts to realise how you cringed
> like a tenant whose rent is in arrears
> when the landlord thunders at his door.
> Anger and frustration run down your face in tears,
> for like a different Midas, what you touched turned to glass,
> a window to show the world your donkey´s ears.
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