Hi Mike,
Only had time for a quick read but I liked this a lot. The first line
grabbed me, and the rhythm and recurring rhyme work well IMO.
The only line I didn't like was "It gave a preview of what was to come". Not
sure whether I'd want to lose it altogether, or whether it just sounds like
too obvious a pointer, but I'd definitely tinker with it.
I'll look forward to reading it again when I've got a bit more time on my
hands.
Regards,
Matt 

-----Original Message-----
From: The Pennine Poetry Works [mailto:[log in to unmask]] On Behalf
Of Mike Horwood
Sent: 23 December 2004 09:43
To: [log in to unmask]
Subject: New sub: A Trailer


Here´s a jolly little piece to cheer everyone up. The word `across´ in line
5 was originally `upon´ but I changed it because I think `upon´ is regarded
as outdated these days. Actually, I prefer it, and `across´ is not quite
right because rowing in circles is not moving across. Any comments/help?


A Trailer

This is what you´ve dragged behind you
down the whispering, transparent years.
It gave a preview of what was to come.
To that time and place a sense adheres
of rowing in a fog across a lake
in endless rings and slowly dawning fears
of orientation lost, till your belief
in reaching the sunny shore all but disappears.
It hurts to realise how you cringed
like a tenant whose rent is in arrears
when the landlord thunders at his door.
Anger and frustration run down your face in tears,
for like a different Midas, what you touched turned to glass,
a window to show the world your donkey´s ears.
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