> Hello Colin,
Welcome back. Thanks for your comments on this one. I´m going to work on it and try to sort out exactly what I´m trying to achieve with it and what to alter.
Best wishes, Mike
>
> Mike,
>
> There's a lot in this poem that's interesting and I don't mind the length,
> if it is used to develop the poem. My guess is that the carpentry/crucifix
> theme is the one that comes across strongest and you could restrict yourself
> to that rather than mixing the metaphor with birds and fish hooks. It's
> quite a hard line to go down though and could lead to a fairly austere poem.
> (Love-making and crucifixion don't sit together that easily IMO). Certainly
> there's more than a little sadism in the poem ( or possibly sado-masochism)
> but that would only be a problem if it got in the way of the main "message".
> Not saying that you have to have a message of course. Worm on a hook,
> bamboozled me as much as Christina. It seems like the worm and the hook are
> both competing for the phallic representation.
>
> If you wanted to go down a completely different track and most likely you
> don't, there are all kinds of similar allusions that could be drawn from a
> bull fight. Bull fights, crucifxions they are both pretty nasty IMO. A
> softer set of connections might arise from really developing the clothes and
> coat hook metaphor from the first four lines of the poem. Not at all cliched
> or on the face of it unpleasant - but it really depends on what the loss of
> innocence signifies to the protagonist.
>
> Thanks for this fertile poem.
>
> BW
>
> Colin
>
>
>
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: "Mike Horwood" <[log in to unmask]>
> To: <[log in to unmask]>
> Sent: Monday, December 20, 2004 3:14 PM
> Subject: Re: Making Connections - Christina
>
>
> > Hello Christina,
> Many thanks for your further thoughts on this one. I´m
> going to keep thinking about it. I think I´ll try to take your advice about
> all that pushing and pressing, there has to be a better way to say it.
>
>
> Best wishes, mike
>
>
> >
> >
> >
> > I can't help feeling you're beating around the bush with this, Mike.
> > Maybe
> > if you were more direct the poem would be more accessible? For example,
> > you
> > write 'I imagine penetration taking place from behind. I hope that helps
> > to
> > explain the bearing and pressing against a pressure that subsequently
> > goes on.
> > It´s an odd thought, and one that I probably won´t explain to my
> > girlfriend,
> > that two lovers coupled in that position suggest (to the warped mind,
> > perhaps) a worm on a hook.' but your poem says 'I bear against a weight
> > and
> > pressure. I press against resistance.' Why? I think you need to be more
> > explicit
> > and less inhibited in the poem. 'a weight' and 'press' don't really
> > express
> > what you're wanting to say.
> > Dovetail doesn't seem to fit in the context of your explanation because of
> > the connections with peace. I'm still struggling with the visual
> > connection
> > between a hook and a penis. Hmmm... Could this be more a case of the
> > warped penis than the warped mind? Or is the penis the worm?
> > I'm terribly relieved to see that your warped wrigglers only come to life
> > after marriage;-)
> > bw
> > christina
> >
> >
>
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