> Thanks for your encouragement, Bob. Iīm definitely going to keep this one in the `currentī file so letīs see what I can make of it.
Best wishes, mike
>
> Hi Mike
> Yeh, I wouldn't give up on this one! It's got that essential quality of
> saying something that is rarely said or said so well.
> ... and I only recognized after I'd posted my previous comments but I think
> the point that it's in the present tense adds to its ability to disturb.
> Bob
>
> >From: Mike Horwood <[log in to unmask]>
> >Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
> >To: [log in to unmask]
> >Subject: Re: New sub: Making connections- Bob
> >Date: Mon, 20 Dec 2004 17:28:30 +0200
> >
> >Hello Bob,
> > Many thanks for your feedback here. I agree about that first
> >`innocenceī. Itīs gone. And Iīm going to look at the second half and see if
> >I can smooth out the lumps and bumps. I wouldnīt like to lose the whole
> >poem because there are parts I rather like.
> >
> >
> >Best wishes, Mike
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > >
> > > Hi Mike,
> > > In the best possible way I find this a deeply shocking and disturbing
> >poem!
> > > Even though I don't go with what it's saying I feel it's saying
> >something
> > > worth writing. The cruel things the poem mentions where, as children,
> >things
> > > we either did or observed innocently, and the image of crucified people
> > > along the Appian Way is possibly a shudderingly accurate description of
> > > where sex becomes sado-masochistic.
> > > On thing I'm thinking about is how the poem moves from that Appiam Way
> >image
> > > to the far less emotive image of woodwork. I think that shift of
> >emotional
> > > ground is what disturbs me most, disturbs me as much, but in a more
> >subtle
> > > way, the the images of crucifying people and birds pecking out eyes!
> > > I'm also intrigued by the narrator noticing what's going on outside the
> > > window. All the juxtposition of cold observation and copulation is a
> >strong
> > > feature of the poem.
> > > My only reservation, therefore, (if you're happy that you've made me
> >squirm
> > > so!) is in mentioning the word innocence twice. I'd say the first
> >mention
> > > isn't essential - and I could think of other things that could be said
> >at
> > > this stage in the poem.
> > > But I think there's a change of perspective that I can't accept very
> > > easily... It seems the first stanza is about face to face stuff - I
> >can't
> > > imagine looking at a crucifixion from behind, I guess they were all
> >facing
> > > the Appian Way as they hung there. But, as you and Christina are
> >discussing,
> > > the second part is from a different perspective! The dovetailing, or is
> >it
> > > mortice and tenon?, jointing is a good image but perhaps you need to
> >show
> > > that we're dealing with another act here. I'd suggest making that clear
> >when
> > > the stanza begins.
> > > You ask in your preface if the connections are being made. I think they
> >are.
> > > But I suggest a bit more clarity in the 2nd stanza.
> > > I also like the way it's only the title that suggests that connetions
> >can be
> > > made... it makes me as a reader feel more confronted by what I read.
> > > Bob
> > >
> > > >From: Mike Horwood <[log in to unmask]>
> > > >Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
> > > >To: [log in to unmask]
> > > >Subject: New sub: Making connections
> > > >Date: Thu, 16 Dec 2004 13:14:44 +0200
> > > >
> > > >Hello Troops!
> > > >Iīm getting really bogged down with this one. Some things about it I
> >like,
> > > >but Iīm bothered about whether the connections are really being made
> >here,
> > > >and whether there are too many of them. Please assist a poet in
> >distress (3
> > > >wives and a child to support, erm, no, thatīs not right.....
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >Making Connections
> > > >
> > > >Superb, I curve like a coat hook
> > > >in the cloakroom of my first school,
> > > >where, in our innocence, we used to swing,
> > > >two small hands clasped round the shaft,
> > > >knees drawn up, or dream of hoisting
> > > >a foe to leave him hanging helpless
> > > >as the Romans did. Six thousand
> > > >along the Appian Way, nailed
> > > >or tied to the woodwork.
> > > >
> > > >Truly, we are hooked and forked,
> > > >designed to dovetail as smoothly
> > > >as the carpenter slots cross-joints.
> > > >With feet planted slightly apart
> > > >and hips a little forward, I pause
> > > >to glance through the window at a bird
> > > >with a worm twisting in its beak,
> > > >then tense my muscles. I bear against a weight
> > > >and pressure. I press against resistance.
> > > >
> > > >We know how snugly the hook fits the worm,
> > > >how the worm slides down a gullet.
> > > >Yes, I think, itīs all tearing, impaling
> > > >and swallowing. So fishing, carpentry
> > > >and the knowledge that a man will twist
> > > >when a bird spears his eyeball
> > > >all have this in common,
> > > >this loss of innocence.
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >Mike
> > >
>
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