Mike,

There's a lot in this poem that's interesting and I don't mind the length, 
if it is used to develop the poem. My guess is that the carpentry/crucifix 
theme is the one that comes across strongest and you could restrict yourself 
to that rather than mixing the metaphor with birds and fish hooks. It's 
quite a hard line to go down though and could lead to a fairly austere poem. 
(Love-making and crucifixion don't sit together that easily IMO). Certainly 
there's more than a little sadism in the poem ( or possibly sado-masochism) 
but that would only be a problem if it got in the way of the main "message". 
Not saying that you have to have a message of course. Worm on a hook, 
bamboozled me as much as Christina. It seems like the worm and the hook are 
both competing for the phallic representation.

If you wanted to go down a completely different track and most likely you 
don't, there are all kinds of similar allusions that could be drawn from a 
bull fight. Bull fights, crucifxions they are both pretty nasty IMO. A 
softer set of connections might arise from really developing the clothes and 
coat hook metaphor from the first four lines of the poem. Not at all cliched 
or on the face of it unpleasant - but it really depends on what the loss of 
innocence signifies to the protagonist.

Thanks for this fertile poem.

BW

Colin



----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Mike Horwood" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Monday, December 20, 2004 3:14 PM
Subject: Re: Making Connections - Christina


> Hello Christina,
                  Many thanks for your further thoughts on this one. I´m 
going to keep thinking about it. I think I´ll try to take your advice about 
all that pushing and pressing, there has to be a better way to say it.


Best wishes,    mike


>
>
>
> I can't help feeling you're beating around the bush with this,  Mike. 
> Maybe
> if you were more direct the poem would be more  accessible?  For example, 
> you
> write 'I imagine penetration taking place  from behind. I hope that helps 
> to
> explain the bearing and pressing against a  pressure that subsequently 
> goes on.
> It´s an odd thought, and one that I probably  won´t explain to my 
> girlfriend,
> that two lovers coupled in that position suggest  (to the warped mind,
> perhaps) a worm on a hook.' but your poem says 'I bear  against a weight 
> and
> pressure. I press against resistance.'  Why?  I  think you need to be more 
> explicit
> and less inhibited in the poem.  'a  weight' and 'press' don't really 
> express
> what you're wanting to say.
> Dovetail doesn't seem to fit in the context of your explanation because of
> the connections with peace.  I'm still struggling with the visual 
> connection
> between a hook and a penis.  Hmmm...    Could  this be more a case of the
> warped penis than the warped mind?  Or is the  penis the worm?
> I'm terribly relieved to see that your warped wrigglers only come to life
> after marriage;-)
> bw
> christina
>
>