Hi Sue,
A well crafted, well paced piece. It's a delight to read silently and out
loud!
Each time I've read it, as well as being lifted by the line about the house
beating like a heart I've also found myself wondering about the word
"comanionship."
This might just be me... but in a poem where the tone is informal and not
over precise (a line like "a flake or two blown off a drift" isn't exact...)
the word companionship feels accurate but slightly formal - it's not a much
spoken word in the circles I isten in. If it's a word in your vocabulary
then that's OK, but if it's mainly a dictionry word there might be a word, a
small phrase, that's more user friendly.
Another smallish suggestion: you repeat the wors "house" - might it be
possible to change it in the penultimate line?
And a bigger point: the title... it's offering another perspective to the
poem than the poem's ofering from itself, which is good, but there might be
something more goodish, a tad more noticeable; it's a poem that can cope
with a stronger title.
Have a grand Christmas,
Bob

>From: Sue Scalf <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: Distant Voices
>Date: Tue, 21 Dec 2004 07:21:04 EST
>
>Distant Voices
>
>Bare trees, white hills, and snow,
>a flake or two blown from a drift
>beside the road, a moon riding high,
>cold.  Winter floats a foggy breath
>in curls of smoke that cling to roofs,
>hang low, then join a cloud
>with sparks borne upon an updraft.
>Windows glow.  In side, the family sits,
>heads bent over books, puzzles,
>in quiet companionship.  There is no sound
>except the shift of logs, a ticking clock.
>The house is beating like a heart.
>Christmas descends with white wings,
>the scene of apples and evergreens,
>and above the house in darkest night
>the milky foam of stars.
>
>Sue Scalf
>
>
>May Christmas bring you love and health and may the New Year lie before you
>like untrodden snow, a canvas for dreams to fill.  Sue