Hi Mike
Yeh, I wouldn't give up on this one! It's got that essential quality of
saying something that is rarely said or said so well.
... and I only recognized after I'd posted my previous comments but I think
the point that it's in the present tense adds to its ability to disturb.
Bob
>From: Mike Horwood <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: Re: New sub: Making connections- Bob
>Date: Mon, 20 Dec 2004 17:28:30 +0200
>
>Hello Bob,
> Many thanks for your feedback here. I agree about that first
>`innocenceī. Itīs gone. And Iīm going to look at the second half and see if
>I can smooth out the lumps and bumps. I wouldnīt like to lose the whole
>poem because there are parts I rather like.
>
>
>Best wishes, Mike
>
>
>
>
> >
> > Hi Mike,
> > In the best possible way I find this a deeply shocking and disturbing
>poem!
> > Even though I don't go with what it's saying I feel it's saying
>something
> > worth writing. The cruel things the poem mentions where, as children,
>things
> > we either did or observed innocently, and the image of crucified people
> > along the Appian Way is possibly a shudderingly accurate description of
> > where sex becomes sado-masochistic.
> > On thing I'm thinking about is how the poem moves from that Appiam Way
>image
> > to the far less emotive image of woodwork. I think that shift of
>emotional
> > ground is what disturbs me most, disturbs me as much, but in a more
>subtle
> > way, the the images of crucifying people and birds pecking out eyes!
> > I'm also intrigued by the narrator noticing what's going on outside the
> > window. All the juxtposition of cold observation and copulation is a
>strong
> > feature of the poem.
> > My only reservation, therefore, (if you're happy that you've made me
>squirm
> > so!) is in mentioning the word innocence twice. I'd say the first
>mention
> > isn't essential - and I could think of other things that could be said
>at
> > this stage in the poem.
> > But I think there's a change of perspective that I can't accept very
> > easily... It seems the first stanza is about face to face stuff - I
>can't
> > imagine looking at a crucifixion from behind, I guess they were all
>facing
> > the Appian Way as they hung there. But, as you and Christina are
>discussing,
> > the second part is from a different perspective! The dovetailing, or is
>it
> > mortice and tenon?, jointing is a good image but perhaps you need to
>show
> > that we're dealing with another act here. I'd suggest making that clear
>when
> > the stanza begins.
> > You ask in your preface if the connections are being made. I think they
>are.
> > But I suggest a bit more clarity in the 2nd stanza.
> > I also like the way it's only the title that suggests that connetions
>can be
> > made... it makes me as a reader feel more confronted by what I read.
> > Bob
> >
> > >From: Mike Horwood <[log in to unmask]>
> > >Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
> > >To: [log in to unmask]
> > >Subject: New sub: Making connections
> > >Date: Thu, 16 Dec 2004 13:14:44 +0200
> > >
> > >Hello Troops!
> > >Iīm getting really bogged down with this one. Some things about it I
>like,
> > >but Iīm bothered about whether the connections are really being made
>here,
> > >and whether there are too many of them. Please assist a poet in
>distress (3
> > >wives and a child to support, erm, no, thatīs not right.....
> > >
> > >
> > >Making Connections
> > >
> > >Superb, I curve like a coat hook
> > >in the cloakroom of my first school,
> > >where, in our innocence, we used to swing,
> > >two small hands clasped round the shaft,
> > >knees drawn up, or dream of hoisting
> > >a foe to leave him hanging helpless
> > >as the Romans did. Six thousand
> > >along the Appian Way, nailed
> > >or tied to the woodwork.
> > >
> > >Truly, we are hooked and forked,
> > >designed to dovetail as smoothly
> > >as the carpenter slots cross-joints.
> > >With feet planted slightly apart
> > >and hips a little forward, I pause
> > >to glance through the window at a bird
> > >with a worm twisting in its beak,
> > >then tense my muscles. I bear against a weight
> > >and pressure. I press against resistance.
> > >
> > >We know how snugly the hook fits the worm,
> > >how the worm slides down a gullet.
> > >Yes, I think, itīs all tearing, impaling
> > >and swallowing. So fishing, carpentry
> > >and the knowledge that a man will twist
> > >when a bird spears his eyeball
> > >all have this in common,
> > >this loss of innocence.
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >Mike
> >
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