Hi Christina,
This poems works deeply for me. I guess I'm drawn by the mystery of not
fully grasping the signifinace of "smell myrrh and hay" yet feeling it's
enigmatic inclusion works! I guess smells, like tastes, are well stored in
the memory.
One line seems so full of short syllables: "and I'm tired but I've saved
the left ear of the donkey/ for last." and I'm wondering if more tiredness
might be felt if the words with longer sounds could be used? As a
suggestion: "and I'm weary, and I've saved the donkey's left ear/ till
last." But then you'll have lots of "l" sounds in the line, maybe too many?
I don't know...
The title, too, feels almost abrupt with only one word (though it's a delish
long sounding word to say!)
Bob
>From: Christina Fletcher <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: New sub: Perennial
>Date: Mon, 20 Dec 2004 03:51:44 EST
>
>
>
>Perennial
>
>
>White fleece slots into white fleece
>but it's hard to distinguish fur from rough cloth
>or pitch pricked by a star.
>
> And the paper crowns don't fit but you stand
>to attention when the Queen speaks, then unroll
>old jokes. I fill the empty frame,
>
> link each matching part where steel
>pierced the template. Splits and cracks
>are clues: the box was lost long ago
>
> and I'm tired but I've saved the left ear of the donkey
>for last. Let's wait a while, smell
>myrrh and hay, ease the pieces apart.
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>christina fletcher
|