you are right, bob. it was my intention to write about a secret love affair,
but i am aware of other possible interpretations. thanks.

m
----- Original Message -----
From: "Bob Cooper" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Monday, December 20, 2004 2:14 PM
Subject: Re: re Rediscovering Eve - sue, bob, gary, matt, sally: THANKS!


> Hi Michaela,
> Even tho you're saying Sally's got it right, that it's about a secret love
> affair I like the way it is also other things as well. It can be read as a
> sculpter, or someone working with clay, and an art-work coming alive...
The
> "Eve" in the title adds interpretative levels to the poem - and the poem
> itself has plenty of suggestions of other levels of interpretation...
> Bob
>
> >From: michaela a gabriel <[log in to unmask]>
> >Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
> >To: [log in to unmask]
> >Subject: re Rediscovering Eve - sue, bob, gary, matt, sally: THANKS!
> >Date: Sun, 19 Dec 2004 22:27:47 +0100
> >
> >thank you all for commenting on the poem.
> >
> >i thought that the last stanza might be a little problematic - and some
of
> >you confirm that. i wrote the last stanza first, and the line about
zidane
> >actually inspired the whole poem. so i think i'll have to think about
this
> >one a little more, see what i'll do, whether i will "kill my darlings" or
> >not. *S* or save them for some other poem, some other story.
> >
> >matt, i did intend to pick up the pace, yes, but maybe it is a little too
> >much.
> >
> >it's good to know that most of the rest works for most of you.
> >
> >sally, thanks - you got that right. it is about a secret love affair,
> >although it can also be read as a rediscovery of someone familiar. and
> >thanks for mentioning the title - it is beginning to grow on me too, and
i
> >will leave it, unless i find something better.
> >
> >so thanks for your views. i will try to get some crits done this week, i
am
> >way behind, i know ...
> >
> >cheers,
> >
> >michi
> >
> >
> >
> >This is  very much to my liking, the wonderful contrast between what she
is
> >and what he thinks she is; however, the last stanza is too graphic and
lost
> >me
> >entirely.  You may want to tone it down or eliminate it.  I guess it is
> >just
> >too clinically precise for me. Otherwise, this is fine.
> >
> >Hi Michaela,
> >I'm with this poem until the last stanza which seems in too much of a
rush,
> >too condensed in what it's trying to say. The rest of the poem reads
slower
> >(but has lots of energy in it as well!). I guess the name, Zidane, and
the
> >word "climax" surprise me too much. And, in a second reading, I wondered
if
> >the last 3 lines refered to the "you" of the poem or the "she."
> >And, because the "you" has heard a stag in the afternoon, and knows of
> >Zidane as well, I'm wondering about location: where is this happening?
But
> >that isn't too big an issue for me.
> >Bob
> >
> >
> >a stag in the shadows, seismic heartbeat
> >
> >drowning out mundane sounds: water dripping
> >
> >from a tap; a fly buzzing against glass, trapped
> >
> >in its own hysteria; a bicycle bell.
> >
> >
> >
> >Micha, some months ago, a member of this board (or the other one)
reminded
> >me I was tending to lists and the poem in question would be improved if I
> >cut them way back.  I did, it was.
> >
> >
> >
> >Smiles and thanks.
> >
> >
> >
> >Gary
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >Hi,
> >There's really a lot I like about this. There are some great images - I
> >liked the fly "trapped in its own hysteria" because it contrasts so well
> >with the unhurried, mellow feel of the poem at that point.
> >"Uncertainty shatters on the tiles" is terriffic too. It moves the
> >narrative on while painting in another nice little bit of detail.
> >My only reservations were about the last stanza. I agree with Bob that it
> >does feel a bit rushed, although I guess you fully intended to pick up
the
> >pace at that point. But maybe it's overdone. Also, Zidane did jump out at
> >me and seem rather out of place.
> >But anyway, I really enjoyed it!
> >Regards,
> >Matt
> >
> >
> >I really like this Michaela. It has a surreal quality and is really quite
> >lovely. It speaks to me of a secret love affair and rekindling of a
> >fantasy.
> >I like the title. Bw Sally J