Hello Bob,
Many thanks for your feedback here. I agree about that first `innocenceī. Itīs gone. And Iīm going to look at the second half and see if I can smooth out the lumps and bumps. I wouldnīt like to lose the whole poem because there are parts I rather like.
Best wishes, Mike
>
> Hi Mike,
> In the best possible way I find this a deeply shocking and disturbing poem!
> Even though I don't go with what it's saying I feel it's saying something
> worth writing. The cruel things the poem mentions where, as children, things
> we either did or observed innocently, and the image of crucified people
> along the Appian Way is possibly a shudderingly accurate description of
> where sex becomes sado-masochistic.
> On thing I'm thinking about is how the poem moves from that Appiam Way image
> to the far less emotive image of woodwork. I think that shift of emotional
> ground is what disturbs me most, disturbs me as much, but in a more subtle
> way, the the images of crucifying people and birds pecking out eyes!
> I'm also intrigued by the narrator noticing what's going on outside the
> window. All the juxtposition of cold observation and copulation is a strong
> feature of the poem.
> My only reservation, therefore, (if you're happy that you've made me squirm
> so!) is in mentioning the word innocence twice. I'd say the first mention
> isn't essential - and I could think of other things that could be said at
> this stage in the poem.
> But I think there's a change of perspective that I can't accept very
> easily... It seems the first stanza is about face to face stuff - I can't
> imagine looking at a crucifixion from behind, I guess they were all facing
> the Appian Way as they hung there. But, as you and Christina are discussing,
> the second part is from a different perspective! The dovetailing, or is it
> mortice and tenon?, jointing is a good image but perhaps you need to show
> that we're dealing with another act here. I'd suggest making that clear when
> the stanza begins.
> You ask in your preface if the connections are being made. I think they are.
> But I suggest a bit more clarity in the 2nd stanza.
> I also like the way it's only the title that suggests that connetions can be
> made... it makes me as a reader feel more confronted by what I read.
> Bob
>
> >From: Mike Horwood <[log in to unmask]>
> >Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
> >To: [log in to unmask]
> >Subject: New sub: Making connections
> >Date: Thu, 16 Dec 2004 13:14:44 +0200
> >
> >Hello Troops!
> >Iīm getting really bogged down with this one. Some things about it I like,
> >but Iīm bothered about whether the connections are really being made here,
> >and whether there are too many of them. Please assist a poet in distress (3
> >wives and a child to support, erm, no, thatīs not right.....
> >
> >
> >Making Connections
> >
> >Superb, I curve like a coat hook
> >in the cloakroom of my first school,
> >where, in our innocence, we used to swing,
> >two small hands clasped round the shaft,
> >knees drawn up, or dream of hoisting
> >a foe to leave him hanging helpless
> >as the Romans did. Six thousand
> >along the Appian Way, nailed
> >or tied to the woodwork.
> >
> >Truly, we are hooked and forked,
> >designed to dovetail as smoothly
> >as the carpenter slots cross-joints.
> >With feet planted slightly apart
> >and hips a little forward, I pause
> >to glance through the window at a bird
> >with a worm twisting in its beak,
> >then tense my muscles. I bear against a weight
> >and pressure. I press against resistance.
> >
> >We know how snugly the hook fits the worm,
> >how the worm slides down a gullet.
> >Yes, I think, itīs all tearing, impaling
> >and swallowing. So fishing, carpentry
> >and the knowledge that a man will twist
> >when a bird spears his eyeball
> >all have this in common,
> >this loss of innocence.
> >
> >
> >
> >Mike
>
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