Hi Michaela,
Even tho you're saying Sally's got it right, that it's about a secret love
affair I like the way it is also other things as well. It can be read as a
sculpter, or someone working with clay, and an art-work coming alive... The
"Eve" in the title adds interpretative levels to the poem - and the poem
itself has plenty of suggestions of other levels of interpretation...
Bob
>From: michaela a gabriel <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: re Rediscovering Eve - sue, bob, gary, matt, sally: THANKS!
>Date: Sun, 19 Dec 2004 22:27:47 +0100
>
>thank you all for commenting on the poem.
>
>i thought that the last stanza might be a little problematic - and some of
>you confirm that. i wrote the last stanza first, and the line about zidane
>actually inspired the whole poem. so i think i'll have to think about this
>one a little more, see what i'll do, whether i will "kill my darlings" or
>not. *S* or save them for some other poem, some other story.
>
>matt, i did intend to pick up the pace, yes, but maybe it is a little too
>much.
>
>it's good to know that most of the rest works for most of you.
>
>sally, thanks - you got that right. it is about a secret love affair,
>although it can also be read as a rediscovery of someone familiar. and
>thanks for mentioning the title - it is beginning to grow on me too, and i
>will leave it, unless i find something better.
>
>so thanks for your views. i will try to get some crits done this week, i am
>way behind, i know ...
>
>cheers,
>
>michi
>
>
>
>This is very much to my liking, the wonderful contrast between what she is
>and what he thinks she is; however, the last stanza is too graphic and lost
>me
>entirely. You may want to tone it down or eliminate it. I guess it is
>just
>too clinically precise for me. Otherwise, this is fine.
>
>Hi Michaela,
>I'm with this poem until the last stanza which seems in too much of a rush,
>too condensed in what it's trying to say. The rest of the poem reads slower
>(but has lots of energy in it as well!). I guess the name, Zidane, and the
>word "climax" surprise me too much. And, in a second reading, I wondered if
>the last 3 lines refered to the "you" of the poem or the "she."
>And, because the "you" has heard a stag in the afternoon, and knows of
>Zidane as well, I'm wondering about location: where is this happening? But
>that isn't too big an issue for me.
>Bob
>
>
>a stag in the shadows, seismic heartbeat
>
>drowning out mundane sounds: water dripping
>
>from a tap; a fly buzzing against glass, trapped
>
>in its own hysteria; a bicycle bell.
>
>
>
>Micha, some months ago, a member of this board (or the other one) reminded
>me I was tending to lists and the poem in question would be improved if I
>cut them way back. I did, it was.
>
>
>
>Smiles and thanks.
>
>
>
>Gary
>
>
>
>
>
>Hi,
>There's really a lot I like about this. There are some great images - I
>liked the fly "trapped in its own hysteria" because it contrasts so well
>with the unhurried, mellow feel of the poem at that point.
>"Uncertainty shatters on the tiles" is terriffic too. It moves the
>narrative on while painting in another nice little bit of detail.
>My only reservations were about the last stanza. I agree with Bob that it
>does feel a bit rushed, although I guess you fully intended to pick up the
>pace at that point. But maybe it's overdone. Also, Zidane did jump out at
>me and seem rather out of place.
>But anyway, I really enjoyed it!
>Regards,
>Matt
>
>
>I really like this Michaela. It has a surreal quality and is really quite
>lovely. It speaks to me of a secret love affair and rekindling of a
>fantasy.
>I like the title. Bw Sally J
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