Hi Mike,
There's a lot I like about this, although I probably need to read it a few
more times to make all the connections myself.
I wasn't overly keen on the title though, and I'd lose the "in our
innocence" in the first stanza. It signposts the way the poem is heading a
bit too much.
Really good read though, IMO.
Regards,
Matt
-----Original Message-----
From: The Pennine Poetry Works [mailto:[log in to unmask]] On Behalf
Of Mike Horwood
Sent: 16 December 2004 11:15
To: [log in to unmask]
Subject: New sub: Making connections
Hello Troops!
Iīm getting really bogged down with this one. Some things about it I like,
but Iīm bothered about whether the connections are really being made here,
and whether there are too many of them. Please assist a poet in distress (3
wives and a child to support, erm, no, thatīs not right.....
Making Connections
Superb, I curve like a coat hook
in the cloakroom of my first school,
where, in our innocence, we used to swing,
two small hands clasped round the shaft,
knees drawn up, or dream of hoisting
a foe to leave him hanging helpless
as the Romans did. Six thousand
along the Appian Way, nailed
or tied to the woodwork.
Truly, we are hooked and forked,
designed to dovetail as smoothly
as the carpenter slots cross-joints.
With feet planted slightly apart
and hips a little forward, I pause
to glance through the window at a bird
with a worm twisting in its beak,
then tense my muscles. I bear against a weight
and pressure. I press against resistance.
We know how snugly the hook fits the worm,
how the worm slides down a gullet.
Yes, I think, itīs all tearing, impaling
and swallowing. So fishing, carpentry
and the knowledge that a man will twist
when a bird spears his eyeball
all have this in common,
this loss of innocence.
Mike
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