hi there bob,

thanks for having a look at my poem! :)

hmmm ... no i had not considered longer lines for this one; i hardly ever
do, i think, unless it "happens" and the poem "tells me" it needs longer
lines. ;) i will play around with this a little more and see what we - the
poem and i  *G* - think of it. (oh and yes, don't worry. i DO have a life.
*S*)

thanks,

michi




----- Original Message -----
From: "Bob Cooper" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Saturday, December 11, 2004 4:04 PM
Subject: Re: new sub: confessions in minor


> Hi Michaela,
> I like the poem - and how the title works as well, sort of makes what's to
> follow feel as if it's music is in a minor key. But... as others have
> commented, too, it could be a title that could belong to many a poem. it's
> not particular to this particular poem.
> And a suggestion about the poem!
> Have you tried a different form or shape for the poem? A poem is both form
> and content and I sometimes wonder if short lines or longer lines work
> better. Short lines often mean speed, lines of what's almost an iambic
> petaneter length are usually much slower to read, and very long lines
(like
> short lines) seem to speed things up. I'm wondering, here, if each line
> needs just one thing to happen in it. I sense it's too punchy as it's read
> in this form.
> I'm wondering, therefore, if this poem doubled the lengths of its lines
(and
> maybe kept one or two lines short if content demanded it) if it might gain
> from the change?
> At times interesting enjambements/run-on lines might increase the speed
and
> other end-stopped lines might keep things measured and slow.
> Whaddya think? Worth playing with to see what happens perhaps?
> Bob
>
> >>From: michaela a gabriel <[log in to unmask]>
> >>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
> >>To: [log in to unmask]
> >>Subject: new sub: confessions in minor
> >>Date: Thu, 9 Dec 2004 12:27:13 +0100
> >>
> >>hi again,
> >>
> >>here's some work in progress from me. i am not sure about the title,
> >>changed it to "minor confessions", then back to "confessions in minor"
and
> >>so on about 5 times now. talk about being indecisive. ;)
> >>
> >>any comments appreciated. i am not sure italics works for you, so i will
> >>indicate the words with an (i).
> >>
> >>m
> >>
> >>
> >>confessions in minor
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>so you felt it too --
> >>
> >>attraction, unwanted as a stray cat
> >>
> >>on some upper class doorstep.
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>you left early, desperate to escape,
> >>
> >>refused to pack it in your suitcase;
> >>
> >>still it followed you home.
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>this is your first admission.
> >>
> >>I imagine how your finger hovered
> >>
> >>over (i)"send"(/i), how you exhaled sharply,
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>surprised at your own nerve.
> >>
> >>now I breathe in the smell of secret truths,
> >>
> >>unwrap the ones we share.
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>I take our near-flirt, put it on my
> >>
> >>shelf of favourite things, dust it carefully,
> >>
> >>bask in the glow of your confessions.
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>I'll save this feeling
> >>
> >>for dull december days
> >>
> >>when neither sun nor fire warms me.
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>I know a night will come
> >>
> >>when I smile at my reflection
> >>
> >>to hear the mirror whisper (i)"sensual"(/i).
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>the moon will slip behind a cloud
> >>
> >>and not return for days, still trying
> >>
> >>to forget the sparkle of my eyes.
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>but you are safe; i will compose
> >>
> >>love letters to invisible men,
> >>
> >>never break my vow of silence.
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>michaela a. gabriel
> >>http://members.chello.at/michaela.a.gabriel
> >>----------------------------------------
> >>"deeds cannot dream what dreams can do" -- e.e.cummings