Thanks Bob, I've revised this since posting but I'd like to look at it again
in light of your always constructive and valuable comments.
bw
James
>From: Bob Cooper <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: Re: New sub: Sermon On A Sandbank
>Date: Sun, 5 Dec 2004 00:51:09 +0000
>
>Hi James,
>I'm playing catch-up agian. Glad this didn't get lost.
>I like it! I find the image of bleakness works well against the possibly
>very hot and crowded scene described in the bible story.
>I wonder about the punctuation at one point (I know what you mean, are you
>saying what you intend?) and I wonder about the grammer at another point -
>I'll put my points alongside the text below.
>Bob
>
>>From: James Bell <[log in to unmask]>
>>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>>To: [log in to unmask]
>>Subject: Re: New sub: Sermon On A Sandbank(Sally J)
>>Date: Sat, 27 Nov 2004 12:42:11 +0000
>>
>>>>One from the notebook and part of the estuary sequence again.
>>>>
>>>>SERMON ON A SANDBANK
>>>>
>>>>There is some kind of debate going on
>>>>at the turn in a sandbank where the geese gather
>>>>some on land, some on the very flat water -
>>>>
>>>>several wings flap, some honk - (should I read this as the geese honking
>>>>or the wings??? I know it's the geese but I think I read it as you
>>>>saying
>>>>it's the wings that are honking...)
>>>>it's like a version of Jesus giving a sermon
>>>>while standing in a boat on the Sea of Galilee -
>>>>
>>>>though nobody walks on water and all boats
>>>>are moored way off nearer the shore -
>>>>it's a space between a bleakness (a space between a bleakness and what?
>>>>Between infers two things and there's only one mentioned!)
>>>>
>>>>that is close to desolation
>>>>except for this band of pilgrims observed
>>>>only by you and a curlew who passes on foot
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>bw
>>>>James
>>>
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