Ryfkah. Many thanks for your valuable comments and praise.
bw
James
>From: Ryfkah * <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: Re: New sub: Sermon On A Sandbank
>Date: Fri, 26 Nov 2004 00:57:11 EST
>
>Shalom James,
>
>Your title works for me. Further comments below in poem.
>
>kol tuv, Ryfkah
>
>In a message dated 11/20/2004 7:04:19 AM, [log in to unmask] writes:
>
><< One from the notebook and part of the estuary sequence again.
>
>SERMON ON A SANDBANK
>
>There is some kind of debate going on
>at the turn in a sandbank where the geese gather
>some on land, some on the very flat water - [I like the assonance with the
>short a sounds here and in the line above and below]
>
>several wings flap, some honk -
>it's like a version of Jesus giving a sermon [interesting simile]
>while standing in a boat on the Sea of Galilee -
>
>though nobody walks on water and all boats [I like this further reference
>to
>Jesus]
>are moored way off nearer the shore -
>it's a space between a bleakness [love this line and the way it flows into
>the next stanza]
>
>that is close to desolation
>except for this band of pilgrims observed [don't know if pilgrims is the
>right word]
>only by you and a curlew who passes on foot [like this curlew reference; f
>eels right]
>
>
>
>bw
>James >>
|