Thank you for your insight; I like writing details to allow the reader to see
the scene.
kol tuv, Ryfkah
In a message dated 11/23/2004 9:33:28 AM, [log in to unmask] writes:
<< Hi Ryfkah,
It's fascinating how, in paintings, photographs and snapshots taken by
tourists, and here in this poem, water and woman and then tree and man are
linked!
I feel the last 2 stanzas, tho, feel like jigsaw pieces squeezed in to fit.
Things don't quite work as easily as with what's gone before. I sense it's
the penultimate stanza that's the initial problem: the lines feel like notes
for the stanza more than part of the poem. When I initially read it I
thought, "Where is this tree? Is it close by? Is it miles away?" It might
help to rework this stanza a little. I'm assuming - with a tree and the word
"snakes" you're alluding to Edenish things as well! I guess the bluebird
line and the line about snow "might" therefore be images that could (also)
be changed/altered/got rid of to help the tree feel more at home in the
poem. For me, at least, I can't see over much signifcance in mentioning
them...
Bob
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